New Year, New Goals

I can't believe that 2010 is gone already? Seriously! Where did the time go? When they say time goes by faster the older you get, they weren't kidding. As I look back on this year, like we all do at the end of every year, I think about what my goals were last year. Did I accomplish them? I don't know...apparently I need to write them down to remember them! I do know that every year I have a goal to lose weight. In the last couple months of 2010 I lost 15 lbs, but over the holidays I probably gained some of that back. I can't stop eating!! What the hell is that?! I'm not even hungry and I just eat! As of tomorrow, no more sweets!

I also apparently didn't get rid of the sign I wear around all the time. You know the one...it says "Are you a jackass? Here I am!" Or, "Please treat me like shit cuz I really like it." Don't get me wrong, not all men are jerks. I have dated some nice guys, they just weren't the nice guy for me. However, I have noticed that the jacks really stick out and overshadow the decent ones. They don't call, they stand me up, they ask for a hook up without so much as buying dinner first, they ignore until they want something, they get married while they're dating me. What gives these guys the idea that it's okay to do that? Ummmm...hello...if you can't make it, pick up the damn phone! If you want to ask a woman out, call her! Don't text her, instant message her or email her! If you want just a hook up, keep moving, especially if you're not even willing to buy a woman dinner first. If you want to get anywhere with me, treat me like a lady and with respect! Whatever did I do to make these guys think it's ok to treat me like this?

Ok, I'm gonna tell it straight guys. Just because a woman likes dirty jokes and can freely talk about sex, doesn't mean she gives it up. Just because a woman is nice and forgives easily, doesn't mean you can treat her like garbage and continue to do the same damn thing over and over again. I am thinking I need to start being a bitch. It seems that men like that. The problem is, I'm not sure if I can. I feel bad when I hurt someone's feelings. A friend of mine told me I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Maybe I just need to quit being emotional. Not sure how to do that either.

I asked a guy friend of mine today why men like bitchy women. He turned the tables on me and answered with a question of his own. Why do women like loser men and stay with them? He's right, there are a lot of women out there that are like that. I don't like loser men, but I sure have had my share of them come my way. They really like me! I have entertained my family, friends and coworkers with my dating adventures, or should I say misadventures. I used to think these things only happened in the movies...nope! The misadventures definitely happen in real life too! For those that haven't heard about frying pan guy, I will be happy to tell you about him!

Anyway, I kind of went off on a tyrade for a minute there. I think this year I will continue to fight the never ending battle with my weight and HOPEFULLY win this time. My big goal is to learn how to tap into my inner bitch once in a while and get rid of the dang signs! I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish this, but there has to be some way to do it. I don't NEED a man. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself...most of the time. :) What I want is a man that is not going to be afraid to ask me out or tell me I'm intimidating (don't ask), a man that will call, show up when he says he's going to, want to be with me just because, not because he wants something and a man that will show me respect and maybe a little bit of romance once in a while. It's pretty sad when the only men in my life that tell me I'm worth all that, are the ones that are already taken and they are just my friends. If they can see it, why can't the available ones see it?

Suicide Prevention Walk

On Dec 4, I did the Suicide Awareness and Prevention Walk at Kiwanis Park. What an amazing experience that was! The 3day was very emotional for me, but this was even more so even though I only walked a couple miles. Of course, I was walking for Tom. I also walked to remember Ethan Winters, Gary Whitehair, Tony Erickson and Mark Serna. I had set a goal to raise $200 and I surpassed that goal by $130!! I will be doing the walk again next year so hopefully I can raise even more and my family will be joining me in the walk next year too! My family came to support me and to honor and remember Tom. My daughter made a sign, we hung up notes on the memory board and let balloons go. My best friend from high school, Brian, came to walk for his brother Ethan. I am so happy he came and walked with me!! I miss him so much! All of the kids LOVED him and they all adopted each other. He is now officially known as Uncle Brian in our family! Tom's mom surprised my by stopping by! That was so amazing and emotional for me! We haven't seen each other for about 5 years and there was a lot of healing that was done just by her being there. I believe this walk was not only to honor Tom and the others, but to help the healing. With suicide, there are so many questions and things left undone. It takes a lot of constant work to be able to forgive and remember the good instead of the sad and the bad. I know that I am making progress every single day. I miss Tom so much, more so from Oct to Dec. We all love you so much Tom!!