One Tough Broad

I have a neighbor who is an Army vet. He is very young and suffers from PTSD and schizophrenia. He is an awesome guy and loves his little boy so much. His dad died by suicide over a year ago so we have some things in common. His Mom told him we were meant to be neighbors. Every once in a while he feels the need to talk so he pops over for about 5 minutes and stands in my door and talks a little bit, gives me a hug and goes back home. I like our talks. He is very smart, but doesn't realize it. Today we talked about the beaurocracy of the government. He's trying to get disability for his mental and some physical issues and it is a battle. Tom fought a similar battle, but gave up. At the end of the conversation he gave me a hug and said I was one tough broad. Now I know that sounds derogatory, but coming from him I took it as a compliment and it made me laugh. A few years ago I was told by a man that I liked a lot that he never asked me out even though he wanted to because he was intimidated by me. So here is my confession.

If people only knew the me in the quiet of my home. In some ways I'm very strong. I I lived thru child molestation by two men, my parents divorce, the loss of my grandparents who were my 2nd parents, an almost nervous breakdown, the sickness and loss of my stepdad, the suicide of my husband and the constant battle of a child who is struggling with mental illness. I've held my head high and done whatever it takes to get thru it.

In other ways I'm weak. I won't go into my weaknesses because I'm so not proud of them. I will say these weaknesses leave me stressed, anxious and sometimes sad. I have my moments in the dark and quiet of my room at night that I shed a lot of tears. I resolve to make changes and then I fail and am weak.

I am one tough broad like he said. I also have needs, desires, I'm needy, I can sometimes get offended easily, I can sometimes do the offending, and I make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. So I guess that makes me human.