Survivor

The dictionary defines a survivor as a person who continues to function or prosper in spite of opposition, hardship or setbacks. This word has been in my mind a lot over the last several years, but especially the last year or so.

The first time I heard the term suicide survivor, I didn't think that was me. I never attempted suicide. And although there are those that survive those attempts and they are truly survivors, what the term suicide survivor in my case is, I had someone that I love die by suicide.

Those that are left behind truly are survivors. They have to muddle through all the confusion, sadness and anger of losing someone in that manner. They have to try and understand and make sense of it all so they can heal. The answers aren't always there and they are are not easy. To come out on the other side of grief stronger and better is truly amazing. They have survived.

The Arizona Chapter of American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has decided to post a quartlerly newsletter. This is a brand new chapter on a new endeavor. They posted on facebook a while back wanting survivors to send in their stories of hope so they could decide which ones they wanted to put in the newsletter. Well, after much thought, prayer and editing, I finally submitted my story in hopes of touching someone. I worried was my story hopeful enough? In order to understand the hope you have to understand the despair and agony, but was it too much? Was it too personal and raw? I sent it in one evening and by 7 am the next morning I heard back. She wants me to speak at the walk in December! We talked on the phone and I told her that my goal is to somehow get the word out to the first responders out there, but I didn't know how. She told me she could help me with that if that truly is a passion for me. She wants me to apply to be on the board of the chapter too. She loved my story and said that it was very well written. I was so touched and humbled and honored. I shared some things in that story I had never shared with anyone and because of it I am going to get to share it at the walk with all those other survivors who have their own stories to tell.

After I speak in December at the walk, I will post my story here. I don't want to post it too soon. I have already had family and friends they are coming to the walk to support me and to hear me speak. I have such wonderful family and friends!!!! Thank you all so much!