The Past

Lately I've been having dreams about people from my past. I have this friend that has decided to stop talking to me. I don't know why for sure. I can speculate, but since he's not talking to me I can't know for sure. It's been over 3 years now since he asked me to dinner and then stood me up. About every 6 months I send him a text or an email just trying to get a response. The other night I dreamt he called me and cussed me out. That's all he did. He was really mad at me about something, but I have no idea what. I didn't care he was cussing me out. I was just happy he was saying something to me!

Before I met Tom I sort of dated another man. He was my best friend's brother-in-law. He was a wonderful man and I really liked him and I happen to know he liked me too, but he lived in CA and I didn't. He and I met someone else at the same time and moved forward. He had a baby die and I had my husband die. He is also divorced. I have no idea if he is remarried or what is going on in his life. I honestly haven't thought about him in several years. Last night I had a dream about him. I'm not even sure what the dream was about. I just know he was in it and it was comfortable. Now he's been on my mind all day wondering what he's doing. I am tempted to ask about him, but maybe I will wait. It might not be the right thing to do. Maybe it's just my wanting to go back to easier times. Or maybe I really don't want to know he's remarried or living like an old bachelor hermit.

Am I living in the past? Am I doing this because it's comfortable and easier than going in the future? Or do I need to reconcile something? How can I reconcile something when my friend won't talk to me? What about the other guy? What would need to be fixed there? Maybe it's just easier to be in the past. I gotta get out of it though. It doesn't do anyone any good to live there. Just thoughts on my mind. I think sitting around with nothing to do can be bad for me...too much thinking!