I Stole This From My Sister

So, yesterday I read my sister's blog post. It was called "If You Really Knew Me". I LOVED the idea so much I'm stealing it. :) I hope it doesn't bore you. Here it goes!

If you really knew me you would know that I'm a perfectionist. My house may be cluttered and sometimes it's not always clean, but I strive for perfection. Sometimes I'm so trying for perfection that I don't leave room for error in myself or anyone else. My work is where I HAVE to have perfection. If I make a mistake, I will beat myself up over it for days. I so rarely get in trouble or "talked to" that when I do, it is really hard for me to take because that means I wasn't perfect in performing my duties. My work area has to be clean and clutter free or I feel out of sorts.

If you really knew me you would know that I hate confrontation. I will do almost anything to prevent having a confrontation.

If you really knew me you would know that I HAVE to be early wherever I go. If I'm on time, I'm late and it drives me crazy when people are late.

If you really knew me you would know that I don't understand how people can justify some of the liberal political viewpoints with basic Christian values and the beliefs that our forefathers had when they wrote the Constitution. I am conservative in thinking, but I'm not so far right that I don't have some liberal thinking. What I don't understand is how the belief of abortion as a form of birth control is okay, taking away our free agency like our right to bear arms, freedom of speech and religion, etc, forcing us to have socialized medicine, forcing those that work hard to pay for those that don't, allowing those that come into this country illegally to have free medical care and other resources that should be for those that are American citizens that are having hard times, is okay. There are so many other questions, but I won't go into those. I believe that both sides of the aisle need to come together and figure it out instead of focusing on their own personal agendas. I think we need more people like Ronald Reagan in office. We need to protect our borders, take care of our country and the citizens in it and have charity. Having charity doesn't mean we need to be taken advantage of either.

If you really knew me you would know that I am not the best friend that I should be. I would love to spend more time with my friends, but I'm afraid sometimes to ask them to do things. I know that everyone has busy lives so I don't want to interfere with what they have going on.

If you really knew me you would know that I find it very difficult to ask for help. I hate asking people to watch my kids because I know they can be a challenge and I don't want to put that onto anyone else. I have stopped doing a lot of extra curricular things because I would have to find someone to babysit.

If you really knew me you would know that I am a passionate person. Enough said!

If you really knew me you would know that I get emotionally involved way too easily with those that I shouldn't and not nearly enough with those that I should.

If you really knew me you would know that I share a lot about my personal life, but if you pay attention, it is just the highlights. It's not the in depth feelings that I have. I think people don't want to hear those, so I don't share. I share just enough for people to think they are hearing how I feel. My mom and Kim don't even know all that I feel and think, and I tell them a lot!

If you really knew me you would know that I love music. I love to sing, but I don't sing as well as I used to. I also love to sing with the radio and most of the time I don't even realize that I'm doing it. I sing at work, in the car, in other people's cars which is great on ride alongs, even in the store! I miss hearing my grandpa play the piano and sometimes music can touch me to my soul and it will bring me to tears.

If you really knew me you would know that even though I am so very proud of my siblings, I am somewhat jealous of their accomplishments, gifts and talents too.

If you really knew me you would know that I love to laugh! I laugh at myself, I laugh at other people and I have been known to laugh at inappropriate times. I am a funny person, but I don't always show it. I get told sometimes that my facebook posts are quite often funny and that they didn't know I was so witty. I also love dirty jokes! haha I am sarcastic at times, but I try really hard not to be because sarcasm can be mean.

If you really knew me you would know that I am so tired of being a doormat and stepping stone for men, "friends" and people trying to get ahead in life. I'm a nice person and I get taken advantage of A LOT! When I do stand up for myself and put my foot down, people get mad.

If you really knew me you would know that everything I think about something or someone is written all over my face! I have a really hard time being nice to people that I don't like, so I don't understand those that will talk bad about someone and then treat them like they are their best friend.

If you really knew me you would know that most of my friends are men. I think that is the case because men just say what they think and women beat around the bush or talk behind each other's back. I like men and I like being around men.

If you really knew me you would know that my kids are my world and they didn't come into my life the normal way, but it fits me and the way I always seem to do things, the hard way! I also love my nieces and nephews like I love my own kids. I love my family and I'm so grateful for all that they do for me and all the love and support they show me.

If you really knew me you would know that I have a strong belief in God and country. I am so grateful for Jesus Christ and what he did for us. I may not be a regular church goer, I am a big sinner, and I'm not a good example, but I am a believer.

If you really knew me you would know that I am very STRONG! I'm impatient, I'm insecure, a procrastinator, a good teacher (when I'm teaching something I'm comfortable with), a smart alleck, a good cook (but I don't like to cook), a good photographer, sometimes selfish and other times selfless, wish I could save and help the world, a good dispatcher, I have lots of ideas, but never finish them, wants the love of a man who will treat me with the respect that I deserve, but at the same time afraid of that, I have surprised myself with some of the choices I have made over the last few years both good and bad, a worrier, especially about my kids, hate counseling even though I know we all need it (I think I'm afraid to say outloud my fears of being a bad mom and hearing my kids and the counselor say I'm a bad mom), hate the way my body looks, get offended when I'm called predjudiced just because of the way I believe even though I'm not predjudiced, and I have so much love to give this world!

It's Been a While

It has been a while since I posted on either of my blogs. Highly unusual for me not to have a lot to say! I have been busy with kids getting out of school, which kinda sucks by the way. Now I have to pay for daycare for just over 2 months. I figured it up...it's going to cost me almost $1400 dollars! And that is the cheapest one! Daycare is rediculously expensive. People know parents have to work and can't leave their kids home so they can charge out the nose and people will pay...because they have to. Ugh! It hasn't been a very fun summer vacation for my kids so far though. They both have been sick. Both of them had colds then I got a cold. Now my son has the stomach flu and hasn't felt good for several days. The poor kid can't catch a break! He wants to go swimming so bad, but we have yet to get in the pool!

We recently bid for shifts at work. We bid every six months and it's based on seniority. For the first time in many years, I'm going to have weekends off. I get to live like the majority of the population where I can go out on fri or sat night and not have to worry about having to get up early the next day. Not that this will happen often since my social life has come to a screeching halt!

Speaking of social life, I have made some changes in my life. I am slowly moving away from people that are bad for me. I finally ended it with the guy that I have been seeing off and on for a year. We are just friends and that is all we are ever going to be. When two people can't put forth the effort to take it to the next level, then it is time to move on. I kept hanging on hoping things would change. They didn't so I finally had to move forward. There have been some other changes too that I won't bore you with. It has been interesting to see myself change and to watch how other people react to the changes. Now that I have changed the nature of my relationships with some of them, they want to come around and be in my life. Never mind they haven't been there for several months or now they want to fix it. Where were you sooner and why now? Because I said it's over? I have become the fall back girl. I'm the one they fall back on when nothing else is good enough or working. I'm sick of that. I want to be the it girl, so, I'm changing and trying to learn not to let people walk all over me.

I have started selling AVON so I can earn a little extra money. It has actually been kind of fun! I am doing better at AVON than I did with Mary Kay. I guess because AVON is less expensive and more people order from AVON.

For some dumb reason I haven't been working out lately. I can feel it too. I'm tired, no energy, I'm gaining weight and I feel like crap about myself. I NEED to get back into exercising immediately! I am finding it is getting harder to be motivated and harder to lose the weight the older I get. I wish there was some magic solution to the problem. I guess we all do!

That's about it for now I suppose. I'm sure there is a lot of other stuff to write about, but it's 5 am and brain isn't working yet.

Mother's Day

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew that the only thing I ever wanted to do was be a wife and a mother. I knew in my heart, that was my calling in life. The wife thing is over for now due to circumstances beyond my control, but I am blessed to be a mother. I have two very beautiful children who came into my life not the normal way (because I can never do anything normal!), but in a round about way. It wasn't easy getting them and it hasn't been easy raising them for sure. We have a long road ahead (teenage years...ugh!!!), but so far all of the heartache, love, laughter and tears has been worth it. I love my children more than I can even say. For Mother's Day my daughter wrote me a poem, my son made me a cute card and note holder and my mom helped them get me flowers. They are gorgeous flowers...purple...my favorite color! I asked them for one thing...to have one day where they don't fight. I got my wish! On Mother's Day they didn't fight at all and it was wonderful!!! Thank you my beautiful children and I love you so much!!!

My mom is amazing! She helps me out so much and I don't know what I would do without her. She takes care of my kids for me so I can work and save money on daycare. She is a great example on what a mother should be. She loves me no matter what and she is ALWAYS there for me. I have some deep feelings that are secret and I could never tell another soul, but I can tell my mom and she never judges me for them. She understands where I'm coming from and lets me say it. She is smart and beautiful and stubborn! lol I learned how to be a single parent from her because she raised two daughters on her own. Thank you so much Mom for all that you have done and all that you continue to do!

I love my stepmom! She is funny and quirky and she makes my dad happy! She loves us all and has taught me a lot! She was there for me during some really hard times and I appreciate that more than I can say. She and I have had some really great conversations and I love those times, even though they are few and far between. Even though I wasn't always nice to her growing up, she still loves me and is still here. I know that no matter what, she will always be there for us. I love you so much and I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate having you in my life!

Don't Touch

Lately at work I have been completely bored. I hate being bored at work. I feel useless. I prefer to work and I do my best work when I'm busy. The kind of job I'm in, I'm at the mercy of the public. If they aren't doing anything, neither am I. I have been dealing with boredom for quite some time now. Not only can a person go crazy and get burned out from constant stress, but also from constant boredom. Last week it got to me. I couldn't wait for my weekend!! It finally got here and what happened, my car broke. I couldn't believe it! Thankfully, it waited until I got home before it did though. I hate car problems. They always seem to come at the most inoportune times! I'm broke, so any extra expense is a HUGE stress! On Saturday my brother rescued me...he fixed my car with the only expense to me was the parts he needed for an oil change and a tune up! I was so grateful to him! Also on Saturday my computer crashed, my cell phone was acting up, my dvd player had no sound and my daughter got the stomach flu! I had to run all over town to find the stuff for my car because of course the one auto parts store was out of stuff. In my mom's car I hit the curb when I was pulling out of my parking space. I decided right then and there I was going home and not doing another thing, touching anything or going anywhere for the safety of us all! And that is exactly what I did. I went home, parked my unhappy butt on the couch and didn't move until evening when I had to get up to make my mom dinner for Mother's Day. Thankfully I didn't burn the house down!