Hugs. There are so many kinds of hugs. There are the one arm around the shoulder with a little pat on the back. There are the hugs that women do when they see each other. There is one where you throw your arm around someone's shoulders and give a little squeeze, or the kind where men throw their arms around each other and hit each other on the back so hard it has to leave a mark.
Tom gave great hugs. He never, ever did the one arm pat on the back with anyone. No matter who it was that he was hugging, he put his whole heart into it. When he hugged me I felt the love from him. I felt completely safe and I honestly felt like he could protect me from anything. When he would hug me I never wanted him to let go. He was never afraid to hug people and I loved that about him. I guess I took his hugs for granted and sometimes I actually ache for a hug from him.
I am a little more reserved when it comes to hugging. Not everyone likes to hug. Some have personal space and I don't want to offend, but in actuality I like hugging. I think it is a great way to express friendship or love. Not just romantic love, but all kinds of love. Some need a hug when they are sick or sad. Others need a hug when they are happy or celebrating. Hugs from the children in our lives are special. I got a hug from my 3 week old nephew that was so sweet. He of course didn't know he was doing it, but when I picked him up, he put his arms around my neck and even my sister said, "Awww, he's giving you a hug!" My son loves to give hugs, even at 14. He's not shy about it either.
I have a few men friends that give great hugs too. They give the great big bear hugs that I like. There was one guy that told me he loves to give hugs and he will hug anyone, but don't give him a weinee hug because that is just not acceptable! Hug like you mean it!
Sometimes I just need a hug. I just need someone to wrap their arms around me tight so I feel for just a moment that everything is going to be fine. So if I give you a hug and hang on a little bit longer than I should, don't be offended, scared or think I'm weird. I'm just taking it in.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Time Flies-Even When We're Not Having Fun
Is it really mid April already? It is true what they say that the older a person gets, the faster time goes. I started school in January and I have hardly thought of a thing to write here or on the widow blog. I hardly ever have trouble having something to say, but since I started school, I sit down to write and literally nothing happens in my brain. How is that possible?!
In about a month my kids will be out of school for the summer. It is so not possible for it to be here already! I hate summer. The fighting, arguing, annoying each other, annoying ME, and the ever popular "I'm bored." I wish school went year round. I just can't convince the teachers that is the way it should be. I have to go to school year round and work at the same time. Our kids should have to go to school year round.
I never went to college. I had absolutely no desire to do it. I fell into a career that I absolutely loved and have just stayed. Now, after 20 years of doing that career that I still love, I realized that these last 20 years have flown by and I only have 12 more until retirement. Then what? I will still be somewhat young, but too old to continue in this high stress job. I decided it was time to go to school. I'm still trying to decide what I want to do when I grow up. It changes every week. So I decided to try for a Business Management degree and hopefully whatever I decide that will be helpful. I have so many ideas. I want to run a charity, I want to open up a house that I can use for weddings and hold classes in there, I want to start a foundation in my husband's name that will bring awareness to PTSD and Suicide Prevention and the list goes on and on. Hopefully I can narrow it down in 12 years! haha
The other day I was reflecting on how fast time has flown by and I realized that it has been almost a year since I went on a date. What?! A year?? I have been so busy trying to put my life in order, raise my kids, and go to school, that I had no idea that much time had gone by. So, I went to my old stand by and got back online. Now, when I say that I have had bad luck with the online dating thing, that is an understatement. Holy shit there are some crazy people out there. Last time I had gotten to the point that I was thinking maybe I was the crazy one in the scenario! But, here I am trying it again because I just don't know how else to meet men in my busy life. I changed up my profile and tried to let my humor shine through. I think it's funny, but who knows, maybe I'm not really funny at all and I'm my only fan. My friends love my failed dating stories because it gives them something to laugh at. At the very least it will be entertaining, but I'm hoping this time it will be different.
One thing I'm realizing when I look at the blur of time, I need to be doing something to better myself always. It doesn't matter how big or small it is. Whether it is smiling at everyone I pass or getting a degree, I need to do something. Time passes whether we like it or not and I don't want to look back and realize that I did nothing when I could have done something. It has been over nine years since Tom died. I look at who I was then and who I am now. In some ways I am more timid and fearful, like with finding someone else. It's not because I don't want it, but because I'm afraid of losing it again. In other ways I am much more brave and stronger than I ever thought possible. I would never wish for this because I miss him so much and at times the pain has been so horrible that I have no idea how I made it through, but I don't think I would be so reflective or willing to fix my life had Tom not died and forced me into this situation. I am not one for change and I would have been perfectly happy to just live idly. But that's why we are here. We are here to learn and grow and we can't do that without change, whether it is forced or not.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Change is Not Easy
I am a very lucky woman and have three families. I have my regular family who are so amazing, supportive and wonderful. I have my work family who I have made the most awesome friends from. They check on me, take care of me, and make sure I have what I need. I also have my church family who have supported me, loved me and taken care of me and my kids. All three of my families mean the world to me and it is very hard to have it change. But, change is inevitable and necessary. There just seems to be a lot of it going around lately.
If there is anyone that doesn't know this by now, I am LDS. After Tom died I became angry and I stopped going to church. I used the excuse of I had to work on Sundays. I still believed in God and I knew what was right, but I didn't follow it. I was lonely and angry and took a path that I shouldn't have taken.
In the LDS church, the members are broken down into groups depending on where you live. There are regions, stakes and wards. The regions are divided into stakes and the stakes are divided into wards. I moved to the house I'm in over 7 years ago. I never told anyone in the new ward that I was there, but my membership records follow me where ever I go so they found me. It took a little over a year when they got a new bishop. As soon as he was called to be bishop I had a visit one day. The women of the church have what is called visiting teachers. We are paired up and given 2 to 3 women that we are in charge of making sure they have things that they need. It is a way for us to make friends and provide service. My visiting teachers were the new bishop's wife and her companion. I instantly hit off with them and we became fast friends. Even when they weren't my visiting teachers anymore, they were still my good friends and still are! They were never pushy as far as church goes, they were just my friends and I loved them for it.
The LDS church also has home teachers. Home teachers are similar to visiting teachers. The ward pairs up the men in the ward and assigns them 2-3 families that they are in charge of making sure needs are met, give us spiritual guidance,provide service, and being a friend. My home teacher is the bishop of the ward. He has had many different companions, all of them young men and there were a few months where we had different home teachers, but then the bishop became our home teacher again. The majority of the last 6 years, the bishop has been our home teacher. He is not only my spiritual leader, but he is my dear friend along with his wife.
Over the years I have made many friendships in this ward. Some I would consider to be very close friendships. It is because of these friendships I slowly worked my way back to church. That has not been easy for me, but really, repentance isn't easy. I made some choices over the years that I'm not proud of, but thankfully we have a forgiving God who loves us and we have the atonement. My kids have had some amazing leaders whom my kids absolutely love and they have made some good friends.
Just as I'm getting back to going to church regularly, I start having to work on Sundays again. That was very upsetting for me. I recently had been given a calling to teach in the Relief Society (which is the women's program in the church). It is a once a month thing. I had to work magic with my work schedule and work it out with the other teachers to switch whatever Sunday I'm able to get off so that I can teach. Back in December I had asked for March 23rd off and was denied due to man power. Last week my supervisor said we actually have the coverage now and since I had asked a long time ago, did I still want the day off. I am never going to turn down a day off, especially a Sunday.
I knew there were changes coming, I just didn't know just how much those changes were going to effect me and my kids. Yesterday our bishop was released. He is no longer our bishop. I knew it was coming, it has been almost 6 years since he was put into that calling. It was time. I was sad though. He has been such a great spiritual leader, he had a big part in me coming back to church and he is a wonderful friend. Of course the friendship will always be there.
Then we had another blow. I was pretty sure they were going to redraw the ward boundaries, but I had no idea that we were going to be part of the change. Never saw it coming! The few streets where I live were annexed into another ward. What?! I was stunned. My kids lost their great leaders, we just lost our home teacher, I lost my visiting teaching companion and the lady that we visit, which is my dear friend the bishop's wife, my kids lost some of their friends, and I lost the new calling I was growing to love. Now of course we still live in the same neighborhood and we go to church in the same building, just a different time, and those friendships are there to stay. However, it is wonderful to go to church and other church activities and see your friends. Especially my kids because they have activities every week. It is a huge change for them. I am sure the new ward is wonderful and we will all have no problem making new friends. I am grateful for those friends that get to join us in the new ward. None of us will be alone in this transition because we will have each other. My kids said they feel like they are moving away, but without actually moving. I think this is harder because we are still neighbors, but not in the same ward!
Obviously the Lord thinks we need to make this change and be in a new ward. He had to do it for me because he knew that I would not do it on my own. I love where we live and so do my kids. We need to grow and make new friends, but I feel like a big part of me is being left behind. Change is necessary in order for us to grow and growing is not always easy or comfortable. So, time to make the big leap and see what the Lord has in store for us.
If there is anyone that doesn't know this by now, I am LDS. After Tom died I became angry and I stopped going to church. I used the excuse of I had to work on Sundays. I still believed in God and I knew what was right, but I didn't follow it. I was lonely and angry and took a path that I shouldn't have taken.
In the LDS church, the members are broken down into groups depending on where you live. There are regions, stakes and wards. The regions are divided into stakes and the stakes are divided into wards. I moved to the house I'm in over 7 years ago. I never told anyone in the new ward that I was there, but my membership records follow me where ever I go so they found me. It took a little over a year when they got a new bishop. As soon as he was called to be bishop I had a visit one day. The women of the church have what is called visiting teachers. We are paired up and given 2 to 3 women that we are in charge of making sure they have things that they need. It is a way for us to make friends and provide service. My visiting teachers were the new bishop's wife and her companion. I instantly hit off with them and we became fast friends. Even when they weren't my visiting teachers anymore, they were still my good friends and still are! They were never pushy as far as church goes, they were just my friends and I loved them for it.
The LDS church also has home teachers. Home teachers are similar to visiting teachers. The ward pairs up the men in the ward and assigns them 2-3 families that they are in charge of making sure needs are met, give us spiritual guidance,provide service, and being a friend. My home teacher is the bishop of the ward. He has had many different companions, all of them young men and there were a few months where we had different home teachers, but then the bishop became our home teacher again. The majority of the last 6 years, the bishop has been our home teacher. He is not only my spiritual leader, but he is my dear friend along with his wife.
Over the years I have made many friendships in this ward. Some I would consider to be very close friendships. It is because of these friendships I slowly worked my way back to church. That has not been easy for me, but really, repentance isn't easy. I made some choices over the years that I'm not proud of, but thankfully we have a forgiving God who loves us and we have the atonement. My kids have had some amazing leaders whom my kids absolutely love and they have made some good friends.
Just as I'm getting back to going to church regularly, I start having to work on Sundays again. That was very upsetting for me. I recently had been given a calling to teach in the Relief Society (which is the women's program in the church). It is a once a month thing. I had to work magic with my work schedule and work it out with the other teachers to switch whatever Sunday I'm able to get off so that I can teach. Back in December I had asked for March 23rd off and was denied due to man power. Last week my supervisor said we actually have the coverage now and since I had asked a long time ago, did I still want the day off. I am never going to turn down a day off, especially a Sunday.
I knew there were changes coming, I just didn't know just how much those changes were going to effect me and my kids. Yesterday our bishop was released. He is no longer our bishop. I knew it was coming, it has been almost 6 years since he was put into that calling. It was time. I was sad though. He has been such a great spiritual leader, he had a big part in me coming back to church and he is a wonderful friend. Of course the friendship will always be there.
Then we had another blow. I was pretty sure they were going to redraw the ward boundaries, but I had no idea that we were going to be part of the change. Never saw it coming! The few streets where I live were annexed into another ward. What?! I was stunned. My kids lost their great leaders, we just lost our home teacher, I lost my visiting teaching companion and the lady that we visit, which is my dear friend the bishop's wife, my kids lost some of their friends, and I lost the new calling I was growing to love. Now of course we still live in the same neighborhood and we go to church in the same building, just a different time, and those friendships are there to stay. However, it is wonderful to go to church and other church activities and see your friends. Especially my kids because they have activities every week. It is a huge change for them. I am sure the new ward is wonderful and we will all have no problem making new friends. I am grateful for those friends that get to join us in the new ward. None of us will be alone in this transition because we will have each other. My kids said they feel like they are moving away, but without actually moving. I think this is harder because we are still neighbors, but not in the same ward!
Obviously the Lord thinks we need to make this change and be in a new ward. He had to do it for me because he knew that I would not do it on my own. I love where we live and so do my kids. We need to grow and make new friends, but I feel like a big part of me is being left behind. Change is necessary in order for us to grow and growing is not always easy or comfortable. So, time to make the big leap and see what the Lord has in store for us.
Monday, January 20, 2014
ADHD
I have some friends who have a son that struggles with hyperactivity like my son. They have always told me they control his angry outbursts with diet. No artificial coloring, flavoring or sweetening and no sugar, high fructose corn syrup or any other 'oses in their food. So in other words, whole foods. I was a bit doubtful of this for quite a while.
Several years ago I took my son to a pediatrician about his hyperactivity and inability to concentrate. The doctor spent 1 minute with him and diagnosed him with ADHD. The angry outbursts and arguing are all part of it as well. So immediately he was put on medication for it. I noticed he would calm down significantly for sure and he stopped getting into trouble at school, but his grades are not improving. I was also told that diet has nothing to do with it and that was a myth. He was a doctor and I believed him. I believed him when he told me medication was the only answer. I believed him when he said I have to take him to a Psychiatrist to get him to stop arguing. I believed the Psychiatrist when she told me she needed to up his medication and add another one after only spending 10 minutes with him.
It has been almost a year since I made the big decision to change the way I eat. I started out by cutting out sugar. Then I was told that wheat was just as bad and I was given the book "Wheat Belly" to read. That book scared the crap out of me and I made some DRASTIC changes to my diet. I went whole foods and organic when I can. I am still working on the dairy thing, but that will come in time I guess. I don't anything processed or artificial. I am learning more each day about how to eat properly. I also am sugar, gluten and mostly grain free. I will give in once in a while and I always regret it. My body rejects all of that stuff now. I have lost 35 pounds and I feel so much better. I am not perfect at it by any means, but I am getting better each day.
I never made my kids go to this new way of eating really, except at dinner time with the main meal. I still allowed them to eat bread, cereal and some sugar and I think it was mostly for convenience. I was overwhelmed with what I should feed myself let alone trying to figure out what to feed them for breakfast, lunch and snacks. Not to mention they go to a church activity or a friend's house and they are pumped full of sugary treats. Before Christmas last year I needed to make an appointment with the Psychiatrist for my son. I kept forgetting to do it. Then I found out she was going strictly cash and would no longer take insurance. That meant I was back to the drawing board trying to find a Psychiatrist who took insurance...*sigh*. We were getting close to running out of his medication and I was going to try the pediatrician again. Again, I kept forgetting to make the appointment. I had just enough pills to get him through school before Christmas break. Coincidence? I think not. I had a chat with him and he wanted to be off the meds. We made a decision together that as a family we would all go to the new way of eating. I took both of my kids off sugar, gluten, processed food, artificial everything and cut back on dairy. They eat a lot more meat, eggs, veggies and fruits and I try to buy organic when I can. I had 2 weeks to get him on some form of an eating schedule before school started.
It hasn't been easy for sure. I feel like I'm being sabotaged every corner I turn. The kids are bombarded with sugar at school, church and friends. However, we are wading through and I have noticed a significant improvement. My son still loves to argue, but most times I can handle it. I know IMMEDIATELY when he has had sugar. Here's an example of what happens when he has sugar. He talks 100 mph and he argues a lot more. One day I let him have a tiny bit of ice cream. When we went to Walmart he literally ran through the store. He didn't walk at all, it was running. He also was incapable of listening to me. He has only had 9th hour (detention) 1 time since he started back to school. Before it was several times a week. I'm not saying he's not hyper, because he definitely is. He is however starting to finally grasp the consequence thing. His sense of humor is also showing up. I really think the medication was numbing him. I am not a medical doctor or an expert. I am not saying going off medication is really the right thing to do. I'm still wading through it and trying to figure it out. But, I can say this. Doctors will never ever again be able to convince me that diet doesn't effect behavior. I have seen too many times over the last month something to the contrary. It may become something that I have to do in conjunction with medication, but I am going to make absolutely sure before I put him back on medication.
Several years ago I took my son to a pediatrician about his hyperactivity and inability to concentrate. The doctor spent 1 minute with him and diagnosed him with ADHD. The angry outbursts and arguing are all part of it as well. So immediately he was put on medication for it. I noticed he would calm down significantly for sure and he stopped getting into trouble at school, but his grades are not improving. I was also told that diet has nothing to do with it and that was a myth. He was a doctor and I believed him. I believed him when he told me medication was the only answer. I believed him when he said I have to take him to a Psychiatrist to get him to stop arguing. I believed the Psychiatrist when she told me she needed to up his medication and add another one after only spending 10 minutes with him.
It has been almost a year since I made the big decision to change the way I eat. I started out by cutting out sugar. Then I was told that wheat was just as bad and I was given the book "Wheat Belly" to read. That book scared the crap out of me and I made some DRASTIC changes to my diet. I went whole foods and organic when I can. I am still working on the dairy thing, but that will come in time I guess. I don't anything processed or artificial. I am learning more each day about how to eat properly. I also am sugar, gluten and mostly grain free. I will give in once in a while and I always regret it. My body rejects all of that stuff now. I have lost 35 pounds and I feel so much better. I am not perfect at it by any means, but I am getting better each day.
I never made my kids go to this new way of eating really, except at dinner time with the main meal. I still allowed them to eat bread, cereal and some sugar and I think it was mostly for convenience. I was overwhelmed with what I should feed myself let alone trying to figure out what to feed them for breakfast, lunch and snacks. Not to mention they go to a church activity or a friend's house and they are pumped full of sugary treats. Before Christmas last year I needed to make an appointment with the Psychiatrist for my son. I kept forgetting to do it. Then I found out she was going strictly cash and would no longer take insurance. That meant I was back to the drawing board trying to find a Psychiatrist who took insurance...*sigh*. We were getting close to running out of his medication and I was going to try the pediatrician again. Again, I kept forgetting to make the appointment. I had just enough pills to get him through school before Christmas break. Coincidence? I think not. I had a chat with him and he wanted to be off the meds. We made a decision together that as a family we would all go to the new way of eating. I took both of my kids off sugar, gluten, processed food, artificial everything and cut back on dairy. They eat a lot more meat, eggs, veggies and fruits and I try to buy organic when I can. I had 2 weeks to get him on some form of an eating schedule before school started.
It hasn't been easy for sure. I feel like I'm being sabotaged every corner I turn. The kids are bombarded with sugar at school, church and friends. However, we are wading through and I have noticed a significant improvement. My son still loves to argue, but most times I can handle it. I know IMMEDIATELY when he has had sugar. Here's an example of what happens when he has sugar. He talks 100 mph and he argues a lot more. One day I let him have a tiny bit of ice cream. When we went to Walmart he literally ran through the store. He didn't walk at all, it was running. He also was incapable of listening to me. He has only had 9th hour (detention) 1 time since he started back to school. Before it was several times a week. I'm not saying he's not hyper, because he definitely is. He is however starting to finally grasp the consequence thing. His sense of humor is also showing up. I really think the medication was numbing him. I am not a medical doctor or an expert. I am not saying going off medication is really the right thing to do. I'm still wading through it and trying to figure it out. But, I can say this. Doctors will never ever again be able to convince me that diet doesn't effect behavior. I have seen too many times over the last month something to the contrary. It may become something that I have to do in conjunction with medication, but I am going to make absolutely sure before I put him back on medication.
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