Survivor

The dictionary defines a survivor as a person who continues to function or prosper in spite of opposition, hardship or setbacks. This word has been in my mind a lot over the last several years, but especially the last year or so.

The first time I heard the term suicide survivor, I didn't think that was me. I never attempted suicide. And although there are those that survive those attempts and they are truly survivors, what the term suicide survivor in my case is, I had someone that I love die by suicide.

Those that are left behind truly are survivors. They have to muddle through all the confusion, sadness and anger of losing someone in that manner. They have to try and understand and make sense of it all so they can heal. The answers aren't always there and they are are not easy. To come out on the other side of grief stronger and better is truly amazing. They have survived.

The Arizona Chapter of American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has decided to post a quartlerly newsletter. This is a brand new chapter on a new endeavor. They posted on facebook a while back wanting survivors to send in their stories of hope so they could decide which ones they wanted to put in the newsletter. Well, after much thought, prayer and editing, I finally submitted my story in hopes of touching someone. I worried was my story hopeful enough? In order to understand the hope you have to understand the despair and agony, but was it too much? Was it too personal and raw? I sent it in one evening and by 7 am the next morning I heard back. She wants me to speak at the walk in December! We talked on the phone and I told her that my goal is to somehow get the word out to the first responders out there, but I didn't know how. She told me she could help me with that if that truly is a passion for me. She wants me to apply to be on the board of the chapter too. She loved my story and said that it was very well written. I was so touched and humbled and honored. I shared some things in that story I had never shared with anyone and because of it I am going to get to share it at the walk with all those other survivors who have their own stories to tell.

After I speak in December at the walk, I will post my story here. I don't want to post it too soon. I have already had family and friends they are coming to the walk to support me and to hear me speak. I have such wonderful family and friends!!!! Thank you all so much!

So Long!

Wow it has been a long time since I posted on here! I'm not sure if you have missed me at all, but I have missed you! My life has been pretty hectic lately, not to mention my computer is still having issues with the internet. Kind of hard to type a blog entry on a phone!

Another birthday came and went the beginning of the month. I can't believe it has been another year. I am no longer lingering on the edge of my 40's, I'm fully into them now, no turning back! I can see the physical changes starting now too, which is kind of sad for me. I don't recover from exercise as quickly, I can't stay up late anymore, gravity is taking over and it is becoming more and more difficult to lose the weight. I am seeing a few wrinkles and I definitely have a lot of gray hair, but I have had that for a long time now. Thank goodness for hair dye!! Every year I think about what I have accomplished in the year prior and one thing I have accomplished is I have grown a lot. That is a good thing for sure.

This year for my birthday a good friend took me to lunch and another very dear friend took me to dinner. My kids bought be flowers, my mom made me dinner a couple nights later and my brother-in-law made me cupcakes. A friend gave me a gift card, another gave me a whole big tin of buttons for my business and my sister gave me fabric for my business. I had lots and lots of email, facebook, text and phone call birthday wishes. It was a good day and I felt so loved!!

I have taken on a 2nd job. I'm not working very many hours, but every penny helps. I am also trying to get a business going. My purse business is picking up and I am loving it!! I have a 2 day boutique coming up and a craft fair also. I had to stop posting pics of my bags and stop taking them into work because I am selling them as fast as I can make them and I won't have any left for the boutique! (not that I'm complaining because I LOVE the business!!) I am submitting my paperwork tomorrow to get a business name. Hopefully it won't take long to get that done and I will be official. That is exciting and terrifying at the same time! I have wonderful family and friends that are so, so supportive of me and my endeavors. They have put up with me wanting to do this and that and then fading out, but this time I think I have finally found what I love to do and I am good at it!

A friend of mine is having a baby. I'm so excited for her! She is a single woman and it will not be easy, but she will be a wonderful mom! I'm working on the baby shower for her now along with another friend and I can't wait for that. I love baby showers!

Since my computer is being dumb, I am typing up a few posts at my mom's and will be able to post them daily from my phone that way. I have so much to say!!! I know that is not a shock. haha

Back to Basics

A friend of mine gets a monthly magazine about farming. I love to look at that magazine because it has some really great ideas (it has some really weird ones too!). Anyway, the lastest one was talking about the old root cellars that people used to have. The idea of a root cellar is to be able to store your produce all winter long. If it is dark, damp and cool, then your produce should last all winter if it is stored right. Although I will never be able to have a root cellar since I live in the HOT desert, I love the idea of it.

It got me thinking about how a lot of people are getting back to basics. Canning, food storage, freezing, sewing, gardening, etc. Whatever it takes to have food on hand for no matter what situation arises. Ever since I was a kid, I have done canning. I started out helping my mom peal peaches and as I got older, I did more. Between my grandma, my mom and my stepmom, I have learned a lot of things to help me be self sufficiant. I know how to sew, can, cook and do pretty much anything as long as someone shows me how.

I have decided that I really like the idea of getting back to basics. I'm canning a lot, started sewing again (obviously since I'm making purses to sell!) and I have found that I like to garden. I'm still learning the gardening thing, but hopefully I will get better at it. My goal is to one day live in a house with a yard big enough to have a decent garden so I can bottle what I grow. I think doing these things are good for kids too. It teaches them to be self reliant and to work hard. When you work hard you enjoy the fruits of your labor more! My kids eat dinner a lot better when they help make it!

The other benefit to it all, is the food is better for you. There are no pesticides, hormones or preservatives in it. It is all natural and much healthier for you. Today I'm even going to try my hand at making homemade pasta! I think getting back to basics is a wonderful idea and I'm working towards having a year supply so that no matter what, we will be okay.

My family and close friends shouldn't be surprised if they get food for Christmas!

This and That

Well, I still haven't gotten my computer fixed...only because I haven't figured out how to get it to the friend that offered to look at it for me. I hate not having a computer that doesn't have internet. I feel disconnected! Even though I have it on my phone, it's not easy to type a whole email or blog entry on my phone...especially when I have had to switch to swyping since the keyboard on my phone is messed up! I am at my mom's right now playing on her computer while she is making bread.

What have we been up to the last couple of weeks? Well, I got a used car. I'm pretty sure I've already mentioned that. My kids started school...mentioned that too. :) I've been looking for cheaper places to live closer to work. That has been harder than I thought it would be. The houses are either really, really small, too expensive or trashed. One house was HORRIBLE and had a terrible smell. Definitely not worth the price they were asking! I have also come to the conclusion that I think I need to wait a few months when I can hopefully afford to pay the deposits and maybe the right house will open up for me. Don't get me wrong, I love where we live now. We live in a wonderful neighborhood with great friends all around us. They take care of us, check on us all the time and make sure we are doing well. They are fun and sweet and this is the best neighborhood I have ever lived in. The only problem is the cost and the fact that I have to commute 30 minutes one way in good traffic every day. That gets old and expensive after a while! I guess when the time is right, I will find the right place for us to live.

I made my first attempt at bottling meat yesterday. Very interesting! I had a chicken and a roast in the freezer. I cooked them both up and bottled them. They sealed, hopefully they will taste ok! I never thought I would bottle meat. It kind of scares me to have meat sitting on a shelf, but I mean, you can buy meat in a can and people bottle it all the time, so it should be okay, I guess. :) In the last 2 weeks I have also made strawberry syrup, cherry syrup, cherry jelly and apricot syrup. I think we are set on syrup for a while! I am hoping to be able to afford apples this fall and make apple pie filling again and get some berries too to make jam. Bottled apple pie filling is the best. For potlucks, all I have to do is open a jar of pie filling and make a crumble topping on top and voila, dessert for potluck!!

I have started getting purse orders for Christmas. So far I have about 7 or 9 orders pending. My friend also said she is going to have a purse party in late Sept or early Oct and I'm going to do the craft fair at work in Oct. I'm so excited!!! I'm hoping to get my business up and running and making some decent money at it. I love making purses! I found out that I am good at it and I love putting the fabrics together to make them. I have so many ideas in my head, but getting them down on paper and then into a purse is taking a while. It is a fun process for sure! I want to make messenger bags, diaper bags and vintage looking purses. I have also been asked to do pillowcases and just got an order for pillows. This could prove to be a lucrative business! Who knew??

Last weekend I was invited to two parties. One was a pool party a friend's house who just had a new pool put in. It was fun to go visit with some of the guys I work with and eat some good food! Then I took my kids a 1 year old's birthday party at another friend's house. She and her husband have a little boy that just turned 1 and she has two teenage daughters. They had a house built for them and it is beautiful! For the party they had rented a bouncy house that was made to have water on it so it was a water slide with a splash pool and bouncy house all in one. My kids literally ran the circuit on that thing for 5 hrs straight with a forced 10 minute dinner break. They had a blast and boy they slept really good too!! I had fun visiting with friends too!

My dating life still isn't...I've given up for a while I decided. Men confuse the hell out of me. I've decided that I'm not crazy enough or mean enough since men seem to like women that are looney or treat them like shit. They say they like nice girls, but they don't. I can't talk I guess. I seem to like men that are not the best for me so I guess I will just stick to myself.

I guess that's about all for now. I'm hoping someday to say that I have inherited a ton of money and found the man of my dreams, but until then I'll just keep on keeping on!