Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah

I have so much going on lately, that I don't even know where to begin. I also don't want to whine and I seem to be doing a lot of that lately...so, not too sure what to write today. For some dumb reason I felt the need to write SOMETHING! Maybe it's that whole need to talk thing I guess. My sister and I decided to start a diet together. We both want to lose weight so it is easier to do it with someone. She started 2 weeks before I did and she is a researcher. I hate doing research so I rely on her to find the info for me and tell me what I need to do. LOL Works out good! Anyway, all I will say about this diet is it is tough. Portion control and very limited carbs and no dairy (which is the hardest part!)...it's so hard!!! When you have the bad habit of eating super fast because at work you have to if you want it hot, you don't realize you're full until you have eaten way too much. I had lost a pound, but gained it back the next day. I was feeling very discouraged about it yesterday. No results on top of having an emotionally charged month and having a bad day yesterday, I caved. I had 2 full sized peanut butter cups from my kids' halloween candy with half a glass of milk. That was the best damn glass of milk ever! Then I figured, well, I already blew it so I'm going to go all the way. I had a bean and cheese burrito with sour cream and another glass of heaven, I mean milk. (I love milk, can you tell? haha) I was kind of sick to my stomach, but it was an awesome meal for sure! Then I started verbally kicking myself. Why did I do that? I was already struggling with the weight loss, so I have candy and crap? I must really not want to lose the weight. Why am I even doing this? Then I look in the mirror and see why I'm doing this. I went to bed feeling really crappy. I had a friend treat me like I didn't matter and my feelings didn't matter, I had some big struggles with my daughter and then I caved. I cried and cried then I went to bed and fell right to sleep. I actually slept the whole night last night and didn't have nightmares. Lately, that is a big deal. I woke up this morning and dreaded getting on that scale. I just knew that I was going to weigh more than what I weighed when I started. I lost 2 1/2 lbs. What???? I weighed myself 4 times...2.5 lbs lighter than my initial weight from last Thur. I sure wish I knew which of those things was the secret because I would do it again! So, I guess I will keep going with this diet and pray that I can do it. I really need to lose the weight for my health and my self esteem and I need to eat stuff that is better for me!