The last week has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I guess it is like that most Christmas'. As I have said before, I really have a hard time from October 1st to December 31st. I love this time of year, but it is also a struggle for me emotionally. During those three months there are birthdays for my kids, my mom and Tom. Plus anniversary of his death, anniversary of our meeting and of course, the holidays.
I have had back problems for about 30 years. I started going to a chiropractor when I was about 13 because I wasn't growing. Since my whole family is full of tall people, my mom was concerned that I was only 5'1" so she dragged me to see the chiropractor. Turns out my spine was way out of alignment and when he started putting it back in, I started growing! I didn't stop until I reached 5'10". I stopped going after a couple of years. Off and on throughout the years my back will give out or spasm out and I am down for a day or two. This time was different. I was in pretty severe pain and I could tell there was something going on. Last week after being down for 2 days with no relief in sight, I broke down and got the number to a chiropractor. Long story short, my hips are out of alignment and have been for a very long time. They spent all last week trying to get my muscles loosened up enough that they could start giving me good adjustments and fix the problem so I won't have this pain anymore. I am finally starting to feel a little bit better. Being down with back pain made it difficult to get stuff wrapped though.
On Christmas Eve we go out and look at lights. It has been a tradition since I was a baby and I have carried it on with my kids. I told my mom to be at my house by 6:00 pm so we could head out and I could be home in time to get to bed a decent hour since I had to work on Christmas morning. She got there a little early and we had started a movie. We decided to finish the movie before we headed out. About 6:30 when the movie was over, I went to the garage and started cleaning out the car. I heard a car door slam, but I didn't think anything of it. Pretty soon the doorbell rang. When I opened the door, we were greeted with very generous gifts from a secret santa. I am talking VERY generous!! I just started crying. I couldn't believe someone was so giving! I know who the santa is. I asked them and they admitted it, but said there were others that helped and they wanted to remain anonymous. I understand that because I have been a secret santa before and that is part of the joy of it, them not knowing. Although, I would love to thank them for their generous hearts!! Thank goodness we decided to stay later and finish the movie!!
Christmas day was a little hard for my kids. I had to work so they weren't able to open gifts until the afternoon. Luckily they spent the morning with my mom and my sister and her family. That was a lot of fun for them and helped them pass the time. While I was at work, Bud came in to see me. He brought a box wrapped in Christmas paper and said he got me a gift. Wow, I didn't get him anything even though we are pretty close. When I opened the box I was very surprised to see a Kindle Fire HD, the case and a charger!! I have been wanting that for a long time and he got it for me for Christmas! It was just because we are friends and there are no strings attached to it and no romantic notions. I also received gift cards to a spa from other friends, my favorite movie from my mom and a gift card from my sister and her family and she also bought a few things for my kids to give me for Christmas. I am so grateful for my family and friends and their generous hearts! I will never be able to express the gratitude I feel.
Also on Christmas day, we found out that a man in our neighborhood passed away from a heart attack. He's around my age and the last person anyone would expect that to happen to. He was good and kind. He was spiritual and genuinely friendly. Everyone loved him. He and his wife were the couple that everyone wanted to be. They had a lot of love for each other and it was very obvious. In church they never let their kids sit between them. They always sat by each other and held hands or he had his arm around her. We actually sat by them at church on Sunday. There are a lot of broken hearts right now at the loss of this great man. We are all praying for his wife and kids to have peace and comfort at this time. Christmas will never be the same for them.
I have felt frustration, happiness, sadness and heartbreak over the last week. But most of all, I am full of gratitude. I am grateful to my kids, my family and my friends! I am grateful to know that life is eternal and that this life is a learning experience and a stepping stone on the road to eternal life. I am grateful for a Savior who came to this earth and died for us. Merry Christmas everyone. I hope your Christmas was full of love and hope.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Good and Bad in This World
Sometimes this world can be a very sad place. It has always been like this. It goes all the way back to the beginning of time. Look at the brothers Cane and Abel. It is sometimes hard to find the good and beauty in the world when so much bad is staring us in the face.
Yesterday a man gunned down 20 children and 7 adults and then took his own life. Also yesterday, a man in China stabbed 22 children. That is something that no sane person can wrap their minds around. It goes against everything that we are made of. Like the rest of the world, I am saddened, heartbroken and absolutely sick about this horrible, tragic thing that happened.
When someone is mentally disturbed, there is no way of knowing what they are capable of. No one wants to believe the worst in a person, even those that aren't in their right minds. It is the natural thing to want to find something good in all people. The reality is, there are some people that are broken. It isn't their fault, it is just how they are. They have a genetic problem that is not fixable. Then there are those that are just pure evil. They allowed Satan into their lives and let him take over. Charles Manson is an example of evil.
The thing that makes me so mad about it all is so many people use this kind of tragedy as way of getting their political agenda moving. What happened yesterday was horrifying and tragic and one of the saddest things that has ever happened. This is NOT a gun control issue. It IS a mental health issue. ANYTHING can be made into a weapon. Unfortunately, children and adults are killed every day by a parent's or spouse's hand, in car accidents, DUI's, not wearing seatbelts in a car. What about the guy who mows down a crowd of people with his vehicle or the mom who was driving around drunk with her kids in the car and crashes. Or the teenager who is killed by a drunk driver. The woman who ran her husband over because he didn't believe in the same politics as her. We don't try to outlaw cars or alcohol. China isn't trying to outlaw knives. That man in China wasn't able to get his hands on a gun, so he used what he could access...a knife. It has nothing to do with the weapon, but everything to do with the person using the weapon.
I saw a post from a woman who said if there were stricter gun laws this wouldn't have happened and if it was our family members or children, we would feel the same way. First of all, he had the guns illegally. He was only 20 years old (he had to be 21 to possess a gun) and they weren't his guns. He wasn't allowed to have the guns and yet, he found a way to get them. Second of all, I do know what it's like to lose someone to a gun. My husband took his own life using a gun. However, I am strong enough to know that it if he didn't have a gun, he would have found a different way. It had nothing to do with the gun and everything to do with his mental health issues. He was suffering.
We should be focusing on mental health instead of gun control. There are a lot of people in this world who need help. We could be turning the energy and money being thrown into stricter gun laws to finding a way to provide mental health help to those that need it and help for the families of those with mental health issues.
Of course we can all try to imagine what the parents and family members of those killed are going through. We can try to understand their extreme sadness, shock, horror and outrage. We can try to imagine what the survivors are going through and the nightmares they are all having. How the parents and family members of the survivors are hugging their children tighter and not wanting to let go. I ask though, can we imagine what the father and brother of the man who did this are going through? The horror and extreme sadness they must be feeling knowing someone they love did this terrible thing? That maybe if they SOMEHOW were able to help him, it would have prevented this tragedy? I'm not saying they needed to do more for him. We don't know their family situation. We don't know what all they did to try and help this man. I know they are thinking that.
And what about the dispatchers, 911 operators, police officers, firefighters, emt's, doctors and nurses that worked this incident? Are we remembering them too?
Out of tragedy, good shines through. It doesn't matter what Satan does, the good will ALWAYS prevail. We are seeing acts of heroism. Even heroism in the smallest of people. A kindergartner who was leaving his classroom while a man is shooting his teacher and classmates, but stopped and waited until his friends left with him. Once again this country has come together in prayer. We have once again turned to God for understanding and peace.
I ask you to not only pray for those in mourning for the victims and for the survivors, but for those in mourning for the suspect as well. He was a son, a brother, a boyfriend and a friend. Whether he understood it or not, he was loved. Pray for those that had to take the calls and who had to respond to this horrific scene. They need them just as much.
Yesterday a man gunned down 20 children and 7 adults and then took his own life. Also yesterday, a man in China stabbed 22 children. That is something that no sane person can wrap their minds around. It goes against everything that we are made of. Like the rest of the world, I am saddened, heartbroken and absolutely sick about this horrible, tragic thing that happened.
When someone is mentally disturbed, there is no way of knowing what they are capable of. No one wants to believe the worst in a person, even those that aren't in their right minds. It is the natural thing to want to find something good in all people. The reality is, there are some people that are broken. It isn't their fault, it is just how they are. They have a genetic problem that is not fixable. Then there are those that are just pure evil. They allowed Satan into their lives and let him take over. Charles Manson is an example of evil.
The thing that makes me so mad about it all is so many people use this kind of tragedy as way of getting their political agenda moving. What happened yesterday was horrifying and tragic and one of the saddest things that has ever happened. This is NOT a gun control issue. It IS a mental health issue. ANYTHING can be made into a weapon. Unfortunately, children and adults are killed every day by a parent's or spouse's hand, in car accidents, DUI's, not wearing seatbelts in a car. What about the guy who mows down a crowd of people with his vehicle or the mom who was driving around drunk with her kids in the car and crashes. Or the teenager who is killed by a drunk driver. The woman who ran her husband over because he didn't believe in the same politics as her. We don't try to outlaw cars or alcohol. China isn't trying to outlaw knives. That man in China wasn't able to get his hands on a gun, so he used what he could access...a knife. It has nothing to do with the weapon, but everything to do with the person using the weapon.
I saw a post from a woman who said if there were stricter gun laws this wouldn't have happened and if it was our family members or children, we would feel the same way. First of all, he had the guns illegally. He was only 20 years old (he had to be 21 to possess a gun) and they weren't his guns. He wasn't allowed to have the guns and yet, he found a way to get them. Second of all, I do know what it's like to lose someone to a gun. My husband took his own life using a gun. However, I am strong enough to know that it if he didn't have a gun, he would have found a different way. It had nothing to do with the gun and everything to do with his mental health issues. He was suffering.
We should be focusing on mental health instead of gun control. There are a lot of people in this world who need help. We could be turning the energy and money being thrown into stricter gun laws to finding a way to provide mental health help to those that need it and help for the families of those with mental health issues.
Of course we can all try to imagine what the parents and family members of those killed are going through. We can try to understand their extreme sadness, shock, horror and outrage. We can try to imagine what the survivors are going through and the nightmares they are all having. How the parents and family members of the survivors are hugging their children tighter and not wanting to let go. I ask though, can we imagine what the father and brother of the man who did this are going through? The horror and extreme sadness they must be feeling knowing someone they love did this terrible thing? That maybe if they SOMEHOW were able to help him, it would have prevented this tragedy? I'm not saying they needed to do more for him. We don't know their family situation. We don't know what all they did to try and help this man. I know they are thinking that.
And what about the dispatchers, 911 operators, police officers, firefighters, emt's, doctors and nurses that worked this incident? Are we remembering them too?
Out of tragedy, good shines through. It doesn't matter what Satan does, the good will ALWAYS prevail. We are seeing acts of heroism. Even heroism in the smallest of people. A kindergartner who was leaving his classroom while a man is shooting his teacher and classmates, but stopped and waited until his friends left with him. Once again this country has come together in prayer. We have once again turned to God for understanding and peace.
I ask you to not only pray for those in mourning for the victims and for the survivors, but for those in mourning for the suspect as well. He was a son, a brother, a boyfriend and a friend. Whether he understood it or not, he was loved. Pray for those that had to take the calls and who had to respond to this horrific scene. They need them just as much.
Friday, December 14, 2012
I Have a Teenager!
It's official, I am old. Yesterday at work someone was calling in a reckless driver and described the driver as middle aged, 40 or so. OMG...there are people out there that thing I'm middle aged!
Last Saturday, my boy turned 13! Wow, I can't believe it. I have a teenager! Ever since I was a little girl all I wanted to do was be a mom and a wife. Things happen and circumstances change. I didn't get my children the usual way, but they were meant to be mine for sure. Now, they are growing up and there is not one thing I can do about it.
He has been acting like a teenager for a while now with his bad attitude and talking back. He is also all knowing and knows so much more than anyone else. He is also the kind of kid that most adults appreciate and see the good things about him. Most other kids don't see those things in him and can be very cruel. He is an awesome helper. Last Sunday I worked a craft fair and I took my kids with me. I turned around and he was off helping the lady next to me put up her little tent. Then my daughter joined in. Then he asked if he could help another lady too. When it was all said and done, my kids helped 4 people around us set up their tents. They weren't asked to help, they just jumped in and did it. I was so proud of them for that.
His scout leader stopped by on his birthday. The leader gave him a gift and then hung out for about 30 minutes just to visit with him and see how he was doing. That meant so much to my boy and to me for him to take the time to listen. My boy was so excited!
He is a good looking kid and I believe when he starts growing and maturing, the girls will start to notice. He is so smart, although he doesn't care about school or grades. It is so hard to get him to understand why school and grades are so important. If there was a way to teach him math hands on, I think he would ace that class! He is pretty literal. My daughter and I are both pretty smart allecky (sp?), but he doesn't get the jokes very often. He takes it very literally, but I'm working on him! He is funny in his own way, but often he isn't trying to be funny. When he is given a job and it's important to him, he will finish that job and do it to the best of his ability. If he's not interested, probably won't happen. He is very good and lining people out and letting them know what their job is as well. For example, when the boys pass the sacrament in church on Sunday, he is very picky about how they all stand in line and is quick to tell the others if they are standing in the wrong order.
He is a good kid and I love him so much. Every day I thank God for bringing him into my life, even if he is making my hair turn gray!
Last Saturday, my boy turned 13! Wow, I can't believe it. I have a teenager! Ever since I was a little girl all I wanted to do was be a mom and a wife. Things happen and circumstances change. I didn't get my children the usual way, but they were meant to be mine for sure. Now, they are growing up and there is not one thing I can do about it.
He has been acting like a teenager for a while now with his bad attitude and talking back. He is also all knowing and knows so much more than anyone else. He is also the kind of kid that most adults appreciate and see the good things about him. Most other kids don't see those things in him and can be very cruel. He is an awesome helper. Last Sunday I worked a craft fair and I took my kids with me. I turned around and he was off helping the lady next to me put up her little tent. Then my daughter joined in. Then he asked if he could help another lady too. When it was all said and done, my kids helped 4 people around us set up their tents. They weren't asked to help, they just jumped in and did it. I was so proud of them for that.
His scout leader stopped by on his birthday. The leader gave him a gift and then hung out for about 30 minutes just to visit with him and see how he was doing. That meant so much to my boy and to me for him to take the time to listen. My boy was so excited!
He is a good looking kid and I believe when he starts growing and maturing, the girls will start to notice. He is so smart, although he doesn't care about school or grades. It is so hard to get him to understand why school and grades are so important. If there was a way to teach him math hands on, I think he would ace that class! He is pretty literal. My daughter and I are both pretty smart allecky (sp?), but he doesn't get the jokes very often. He takes it very literally, but I'm working on him! He is funny in his own way, but often he isn't trying to be funny. When he is given a job and it's important to him, he will finish that job and do it to the best of his ability. If he's not interested, probably won't happen. He is very good and lining people out and letting them know what their job is as well. For example, when the boys pass the sacrament in church on Sunday, he is very picky about how they all stand in line and is quick to tell the others if they are standing in the wrong order.
He is a good kid and I love him so much. Every day I thank God for bringing him into my life, even if he is making my hair turn gray!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Small Miracles
Every six months at my work we have a shift bid. It is based on seniority and we bid for the shift and the days off. Last July I ended up having Sunday/Monday off so I had to work on Saturdays. Having Mondays off was really nice because I had a day all to myself when my kids were in school. However, not having Saturdays off sure has put a damper on things I want to do.
Back in July when we we started the new bid, I asked to have Saturday Dec 1st off. The Suicide Prevention walk was on that day. It was also very important to me that I go to the walk this year because the 1st is also the anniversary of the first time I met Tom. It was a blind date. Due to 1 person being on vacation already and another being on stand by vacation, I was denied the day off. I was so sad that I wasn't going to be able to go and my kids were very sad too.
Fast forward to the end of November. The girl that was already on vacation, cancelled her vacation and that meant the other girl was moved up to approved for the day off. I immediately put in to be on standby pending sick leave and was approved. The kids and I prayed and prayed that no one would call in sick so that we could go. I put it out on facebook for people to keep their fingers crossed and they were praying too. On Saturday Dec 1st at 4:00 am, I found out I was able to have the day off. What a miracle!! Our prayers were answered!
We met up with my high school best friend who lost his brother a couple years ago and went to the walk. I love going to the walk. The open ceremony is always so full of hope. They have speakers (last year I was a speaker) and booths set up with information and fun stuff to do. They also have a memory board where you can write a message to the one you lost. This year they were helping people make quilt squares in memory of their loved one. I sent mine in several months ago and apparently mine was the only one they have received, so the decided to help people make them at the walk. My favorite part of the walk is the balloon release. We are able to write messages on blue and white balloons. They do a moment of silence then release the balloons. I am getting teary just writing about it. It is amazing and beautiful to see all of those balloons go flying through the air. It is a reminder how many people are touched by suicide.
They changed the location of the walk this year to a different part of the park. At this location we walked by the lake at the beginning and the end of the walk. It was so beautiful!!
After the walk we went to lunch at our favorite mexican food restaurant and had a wonderful time. I am so grateful for answered prayers and small miracles!
Back in July when we we started the new bid, I asked to have Saturday Dec 1st off. The Suicide Prevention walk was on that day. It was also very important to me that I go to the walk this year because the 1st is also the anniversary of the first time I met Tom. It was a blind date. Due to 1 person being on vacation already and another being on stand by vacation, I was denied the day off. I was so sad that I wasn't going to be able to go and my kids were very sad too.
Fast forward to the end of November. The girl that was already on vacation, cancelled her vacation and that meant the other girl was moved up to approved for the day off. I immediately put in to be on standby pending sick leave and was approved. The kids and I prayed and prayed that no one would call in sick so that we could go. I put it out on facebook for people to keep their fingers crossed and they were praying too. On Saturday Dec 1st at 4:00 am, I found out I was able to have the day off. What a miracle!! Our prayers were answered!
We met up with my high school best friend who lost his brother a couple years ago and went to the walk. I love going to the walk. The open ceremony is always so full of hope. They have speakers (last year I was a speaker) and booths set up with information and fun stuff to do. They also have a memory board where you can write a message to the one you lost. This year they were helping people make quilt squares in memory of their loved one. I sent mine in several months ago and apparently mine was the only one they have received, so the decided to help people make them at the walk. My favorite part of the walk is the balloon release. We are able to write messages on blue and white balloons. They do a moment of silence then release the balloons. I am getting teary just writing about it. It is amazing and beautiful to see all of those balloons go flying through the air. It is a reminder how many people are touched by suicide.
They changed the location of the walk this year to a different part of the park. At this location we walked by the lake at the beginning and the end of the walk. It was so beautiful!!
After the walk we went to lunch at our favorite mexican food restaurant and had a wonderful time. I am so grateful for answered prayers and small miracles!
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