One thing about being sick, I have had plenty of time to watch movies and think. I seriously have done nothing else. I love mindless chick flicks. I LOVE them! I know they aren't true and love doesn't really happen that way, but I really do love them. I guess I'm just a romantic at heart. I am now watching Sleepless in Seattle for about the thousandth time and the 2nd time in 5 days. I could probably recite every line from the movie. Yes, that is part of my pathetic self.
Here is the other part...ready? There is a line in the movie (yes I'm quoting a line from a chick flick). "Someone who has truly loved once is far more likely to love again." Of course that got my mind circling and made me wonder. Is it true? If someone has truly loved once, are they more likely to love again? I mean, there are a lot of men who get divorced or are suddenly widowed and immediately get remarried. I know a man who got remarried probably within 6 months of his divorce and I know a man who got remarried less than 6 months after his wife of 40+ years died. My sister knows someone who's dying wife found her husband a new wife before she died. They both thought she was crazy, but a few months after the woman died, they were married. I've known a few women like this too. Are they all truly in love with their 2nd spouse? Or is it loneliness that made them jump in?
What if someone doesn't remarry or find another person to love? Does that mean they truly didn't love the one they thought they loved? Tom has been gone for almost 8 1/2 years. I haven't found anyone available for me to have a relationship with or that I really want to have a relationship with. Obviously, I'm not going to jump into something that isn't right. I have had one bad date after another and although it has made for some entertaining stories, it was getting old. So I stopped dating for a while. The ones that I would be interested in dating are either not available or aren't interested in anything but friendship. I would like to have that relationship. I would like to have that someone that I can do all the wonderful things that couples do. If I don't find that, does it mean I wasn't truly in love with Tom? How can that be?
Maybe it's just because I've been sick. I always feel the loneliness more when I'm sick. I guess I will go eat more chocolate that a friend brought over and find a way to get a Sprite (I hardly ever drink soda, but no matter what kind of sickness I have, Sprite tastes amazing!).
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Happy Freakin' Valentine's Day
Once upon a time, I liked Valentine's Day. I have never been the woman that liked or expected big grand gestures. I don't expect my name written on a score board or even a fancy, expensive dinner. I would feel a bit uncomfortable I think. I like the little things. A note, a flower, make me dinner. Something to let me know I'm worth it. I miss that. I now don't really like Valentine's Day. And, yes it's for obvious reasons. I haven't found anyone new to tell me that I'm worth it.
This year I'm home in bed with some stupid virus. I hate being sick. It just pisses me off that I'm down and have no energy or desire to get up and get stuff done or go to work. It takes a lot for me to call in sick. I always feel guilty because I know it's going to leave my coworkers short. However, after laying in bed for several hours having weird and crazy fever induced dreams, going from freezing to roasting and back to freezing again, I decided I should call in. I get mad when people go to work sick with fever so I should take my own advice and just stay home. The idea of getting up and getting dressed was just too much and so was putting make up on this swollen and red face. Tears running down my face constantly, red and sore nose and achy body just aren't my idea of a fun day.
So this Valentine's Day, instead of being sad I have no one, I will be happy that I have my computer, my kindle, my movies, my box of tissues, my dayquil and my phone to keep me company and happy that I have the most comfortable bed I have ever owned.
I love my kids, I love my family and I love my friends. That will have to be enough for now. Happy birthday to my brother-in-law!! Oh, and Happy Freakin' Valentine's Day.
This year I'm home in bed with some stupid virus. I hate being sick. It just pisses me off that I'm down and have no energy or desire to get up and get stuff done or go to work. It takes a lot for me to call in sick. I always feel guilty because I know it's going to leave my coworkers short. However, after laying in bed for several hours having weird and crazy fever induced dreams, going from freezing to roasting and back to freezing again, I decided I should call in. I get mad when people go to work sick with fever so I should take my own advice and just stay home. The idea of getting up and getting dressed was just too much and so was putting make up on this swollen and red face. Tears running down my face constantly, red and sore nose and achy body just aren't my idea of a fun day.
So this Valentine's Day, instead of being sad I have no one, I will be happy that I have my computer, my kindle, my movies, my box of tissues, my dayquil and my phone to keep me company and happy that I have the most comfortable bed I have ever owned.
I love my kids, I love my family and I love my friends. That will have to be enough for now. Happy birthday to my brother-in-law!! Oh, and Happy Freakin' Valentine's Day.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Steve's Funeral
Yesterday was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. No one could have asked for a better day to remember our friend Steve.
Before I talk about the funeral, I have to give a big huge thanks to some other friends of mine. Friends that I share with Steve. Thank you to Steve's squad. I have been friends with some of them for a long time and yesterday they invited me into their circle and made me feel like a welcome part of them. One of them seemed to sense that I didn't like doing things alone and he asked if I wanted him to walk with me into the viewing. It was such a relief to have a friend standing by my side as I met Steve's parents and said a quick goodbye to Steve. (I don't really like viewings and I don't linger over the body. Their spirit is what made them who they are and that isn't there so their body doesn't look the same no matter how good they make them look.) He then walked me into the room where the squad was waiting and the honor guard was practicing. I enjoyed visiting with them all and I felt like I was part of the family. After the graveside, they invited me to the luncheon with them. That was fun to joke, laugh and tell stories. They understood that Steve was my friend and in their unselfish way, helped me grieve with them. Another friend let me sit with him in the funeral and then let me ride with him to the cemetary. Thank you so much friend for hangin' out with me. I have learned to do a lot of things alone, but funerals are not one of them.
The funeral was a great service. There were a lot of tears of course, but there was a lot more laughter. Steve was a very funny guy and it was fun to hear of the crazy stuff he had done in his short life. It was a jam packed funeral with the entire chapel and cultural hall in a stake center filled. That is a great testament to the kind of man he was. I loved hearing that not only was he a great son, friend and officer, but that he was a faithful servant to the Lord. He never waivered in his faith. Steve's family was so grateful and proud of Steve. At the luncheon Steve's dad said a word of thanks to everyone and then he went around and said thank you to everyone individually. They are very good people and I wish I had met them sooner. I am thankful to them for sharing their son with us all.
The graveside is the hardest part. He had full honors and it was beautiful. I love seeing all of those officers standing at attention in respect. There is a lot of respect given to folding the flag and giving the grieving family the flag and the smokey hat. I was sobbing and Steve's parents were smiling with pride.
A week ago I started writing a poem about Steve. I got about 3/4 of the way done and hit a road block. I had an absolute blank mind. I sat and stared, thought, slept on it and walked away from it. Still nothing. I so wanted to have it done before the funeral, but writer's block stood in my way. I finally finished it last night. It may be simple and not what a professional poet would write, but it comes from the heart and I hope it gives some insight into what kind of man Steve was.
Friend
How do you describe a friend?
A contagious smile,
And a kind and generous heart.
A great love of life,
And someone who goes the extra mile.
A big family guy
And a gentle giant.
A simple and funny guy,
Who loved to give bear hugs
And was always a constant.
Extremely loyal.
A prankster and a joker,
A strong and faithful servant.
A life dedicated to service,
And a really hard worker.
Now dear friend, the time has come,
Your journey on earth is done.
We smile and laugh through our tears
Knowing this is only temporary,
And that your life has only truly begun.
Your friend
Kelli Beday
February 3, 2013
Before I talk about the funeral, I have to give a big huge thanks to some other friends of mine. Friends that I share with Steve. Thank you to Steve's squad. I have been friends with some of them for a long time and yesterday they invited me into their circle and made me feel like a welcome part of them. One of them seemed to sense that I didn't like doing things alone and he asked if I wanted him to walk with me into the viewing. It was such a relief to have a friend standing by my side as I met Steve's parents and said a quick goodbye to Steve. (I don't really like viewings and I don't linger over the body. Their spirit is what made them who they are and that isn't there so their body doesn't look the same no matter how good they make them look.) He then walked me into the room where the squad was waiting and the honor guard was practicing. I enjoyed visiting with them all and I felt like I was part of the family. After the graveside, they invited me to the luncheon with them. That was fun to joke, laugh and tell stories. They understood that Steve was my friend and in their unselfish way, helped me grieve with them. Another friend let me sit with him in the funeral and then let me ride with him to the cemetary. Thank you so much friend for hangin' out with me. I have learned to do a lot of things alone, but funerals are not one of them.
The funeral was a great service. There were a lot of tears of course, but there was a lot more laughter. Steve was a very funny guy and it was fun to hear of the crazy stuff he had done in his short life. It was a jam packed funeral with the entire chapel and cultural hall in a stake center filled. That is a great testament to the kind of man he was. I loved hearing that not only was he a great son, friend and officer, but that he was a faithful servant to the Lord. He never waivered in his faith. Steve's family was so grateful and proud of Steve. At the luncheon Steve's dad said a word of thanks to everyone and then he went around and said thank you to everyone individually. They are very good people and I wish I had met them sooner. I am thankful to them for sharing their son with us all.
The graveside is the hardest part. He had full honors and it was beautiful. I love seeing all of those officers standing at attention in respect. There is a lot of respect given to folding the flag and giving the grieving family the flag and the smokey hat. I was sobbing and Steve's parents were smiling with pride.
A week ago I started writing a poem about Steve. I got about 3/4 of the way done and hit a road block. I had an absolute blank mind. I sat and stared, thought, slept on it and walked away from it. Still nothing. I so wanted to have it done before the funeral, but writer's block stood in my way. I finally finished it last night. It may be simple and not what a professional poet would write, but it comes from the heart and I hope it gives some insight into what kind of man Steve was.
Friend
How do you describe a friend?
A contagious smile,
And a kind and generous heart.
A great love of life,
And someone who goes the extra mile.
A big family guy
And a gentle giant.
A simple and funny guy,
Who loved to give bear hugs
And was always a constant.
Extremely loyal.
A prankster and a joker,
A strong and faithful servant.
A life dedicated to service,
And a really hard worker.
Now dear friend, the time has come,
Your journey on earth is done.
We smile and laugh through our tears
Knowing this is only temporary,
And that your life has only truly begun.
Your friend
Kelli Beday
February 3, 2013
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
