Saturday was the big yard sale, finally! I was so happy for that day to arrive so I could put all of that stuff out in the yard and out of my garage! I knew I had a lot of stuff, but wow. When it came time to put it out, we almost didn't have enough room. One of my friends said we should ask the neighbors if we could use their driveways and her husband wanted to know where the heck we were going to put it all.
I was so amazed and grateful for my friends coming over to help. I never would have been able to do it by myself this year. I just had so much and some of it was big furniture pieces and I couldn't have moved that by myself. One guy and his son even took a big armoir over to my mom's for me. Another neighbor made sure my son got to and from scouts that day so I could focus on the yard sale. I have such awesome friends!!! Not only were they a big help, but it was so much fun too. We laughed, joked and worked in the chaos to make the best of it.
I loved watching them pick out their own things and make their own piles of things they wanted to buy. Everyone is so diverse in their likes and their needs.
The generosity of people is so amazing! Every single day for about 6 weeks I had donations on my doorstep or people would drop off when I was home. It was all very good quality and things that other people would love.
I put the signs out at 4 am saying it started at 7 am. I started putting things out at 5 am and my friends showed up at 6. I had people starting to show up for shopping at 5:45 am. So we had a bunch of people there to put it all out in the yard and people shopping. It was chaos!! It was a steady stream of people all morning long. I think we only had 2 lulls the whole morning and we closed it down around 12:15. We had about 13 bags and boxes of clothes left and 2 car loads of stuff to Goodwill.
I was hoping to raise at least $700. I actually raised just over $1,000!!! I couldn't believe it...from a yard sale!! That is $1,000 to go to Suicide Awareness and Prevention programs. So much better than I had ever hoped it could be! It was my biggest yard sale yet and the most money I have made.
A friend of mine who is also a survivor had her mom come to the yard sale to get some things for a place where she volunteers. After the sale was over and I was in my garage cleaning up, I heard my name. It was my friend's mom. She stopped by just to give me a hug. Made my day!
Thank you so much to those that donated their things and their time. Thanks to those that spent their money! Thanks to those who lent me tables and to my neighbor down the street for taking care of my son. Thanks for the support and encouragement too. I could not have done this without any of you! I love every single one of you and I am so glad to be able to call you all friends!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Is There a Time Limit to Grief?
I have been posting blog posts to a place called the widdahood. This is my latest post on that blog.
It has been a very busy few weeks at our house. Every year we do the Out of the Darkness walk and the money raised goes to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. We do this in memory of my husband. I started doing the walk because having something to focus my energies on really helped me with my anger. The more I learned about suicide the more I forgave my husband and the more I realized I needed to do something to keep others from having to go through this hell. Anyway, that is a whole other post. So, my main fundraiser for the walk is a yard sale. I put the word out to friends, family and neighbors if they want to do spring cleaning and get rid of stuff, bring it to me and I will sell it. I raise several hundred dollars every year for this cause by doing this and people get rid of their stuff! This year is going to be the biggest one yet. People have been amazingly generous! My garage is completely full and I am still receiving items every day. I might have to have two yard sales!
The other day I watched the movie P.S. I Love You. It has been several years since I have seen the movie, so I thought I would try it again. I remembered why I don't watch it very often. I cried (and laughed!) through the whole movie. Hillary Swank is very good at portraying grief. Those moments of not wanting to leave the house, the realization that they aren't coming back, the fear of moving forward. I also have a facebook friend who is struggling right now with her grief. She thinks she should be past the crying. It got me thinking, is there a time limit?
I don't think there is. There are different stages in our grief, we all know that. However, I think we will always grieve to a certain extent. We are always going to feel that sense of loss and emptiness. We loved them. They were a part of us. It has been over 8 years for me and I still cry when I hear a song, see something of his, Anniversarys, birthdays, Father's Day, when my kids do something amazing, when my kids are especially naughty, when my kids struggle with their own grief, when I watch certain movies or go somewhere that we used to go. It doesn't mean that I sit and cry all the time. It means that I still love him and because I love him so much I miss him. I am ALWAYS going to miss him and I am ALWAYS going to have moments where I cry because I miss him. That is why it takes a very special person to want to step into the life of a widow or widower. They know that there is always going to be that place in the widow or widower's heart that they can never fill or touch. They have to find their own place there.
So I say to those that think they should be past the crying, reminding myself too, it's okay to cry sometimes. You are just remembering them and loving them. Just be sure to laugh too, because there is no greater healing power than laughter.
It has been a very busy few weeks at our house. Every year we do the Out of the Darkness walk and the money raised goes to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. We do this in memory of my husband. I started doing the walk because having something to focus my energies on really helped me with my anger. The more I learned about suicide the more I forgave my husband and the more I realized I needed to do something to keep others from having to go through this hell. Anyway, that is a whole other post. So, my main fundraiser for the walk is a yard sale. I put the word out to friends, family and neighbors if they want to do spring cleaning and get rid of stuff, bring it to me and I will sell it. I raise several hundred dollars every year for this cause by doing this and people get rid of their stuff! This year is going to be the biggest one yet. People have been amazingly generous! My garage is completely full and I am still receiving items every day. I might have to have two yard sales!
The other day I watched the movie P.S. I Love You. It has been several years since I have seen the movie, so I thought I would try it again. I remembered why I don't watch it very often. I cried (and laughed!) through the whole movie. Hillary Swank is very good at portraying grief. Those moments of not wanting to leave the house, the realization that they aren't coming back, the fear of moving forward. I also have a facebook friend who is struggling right now with her grief. She thinks she should be past the crying. It got me thinking, is there a time limit?
I don't think there is. There are different stages in our grief, we all know that. However, I think we will always grieve to a certain extent. We are always going to feel that sense of loss and emptiness. We loved them. They were a part of us. It has been over 8 years for me and I still cry when I hear a song, see something of his, Anniversarys, birthdays, Father's Day, when my kids do something amazing, when my kids are especially naughty, when my kids struggle with their own grief, when I watch certain movies or go somewhere that we used to go. It doesn't mean that I sit and cry all the time. It means that I still love him and because I love him so much I miss him. I am ALWAYS going to miss him and I am ALWAYS going to have moments where I cry because I miss him. That is why it takes a very special person to want to step into the life of a widow or widower. They know that there is always going to be that place in the widow or widower's heart that they can never fill or touch. They have to find their own place there.
So I say to those that think they should be past the crying, reminding myself too, it's okay to cry sometimes. You are just remembering them and loving them. Just be sure to laugh too, because there is no greater healing power than laughter.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Lifestyle Change
I have been obsessing about my own mortality lately. I'm 42 and 43 will be here before I know it. When I was young I thought that was old, but now I don't feel old (not in my mind anyway). Tom was 43 when he died. I know his death was a choice, but it is still there, looking at me.
In January my dear friend Steve Davis passed away just 3 weeks shy of his 30th birthday. He died from heart related issues. Way too young for that. Honestly, it kind of scared me. If this wonderful guy could die from a heart issue at 29, I could die at 42 and leave my kids behind. My kids have already lost their dad, they don't need to lose their mom too. We also have heart disease and diabetes in my family so I already have that looming over my head.
I decided it was time to work through the back pain and start exercising. I'm still not exercising as much as I should be, but I'm taking it slow and working through the pain. I also decided it is time to get this weight off, especially since I haven't been exercising as much as usual. I tried a specific diet. that lasted about 5 days. I sucked at it. Then a few weeks ago I found this woman on Facebook. She calls herself One Fit Widow. She was overweight and in a bad place when her husband suddenly died. She needed an outlet for her grief so she started working out and switched to a whole foods diet. She lost 80 lbs. She is now a personal trainer and a motivational speaker and she looks absolutely amazing! She is an inspiration.
I finally decided I needed to accept the advice of so many people and make a life style change, not take on yet another diet that will fail. So, I gave up sugar. I didn't just give up sweets, but I gave up sugar. No added sugar in food at all. Boy, that is not easy! There is sugar in almost everything and I am a sugar addict!! I know I've said this before, but there should be a support group for that. Hi, my name is Kelli and I'm addicted to sugar! I only eat the sugar that is naturally in food and I am learning how to read ingredients, not just how many calories or how much fat is in food. If the ingredients are recognizable and has no sugar or anything white (white flour, white rice, etc) then I will eat it. I'm learning how to cook better too. A friend from work decided to do it with me. It will really help us both to do it together so that we can tell each other no and keep each other accountable. My daughter is also learning and she is being a huge help! My mom decided it was time for her to do it too.
This needs to be a permanent change, not just something I do to lose weight. I need to lose the weight yes, but I am doing this to clean out my system and get my body working the way it needs to work.
I have been sugar free for 7 days now. If anyone knows me, they know how difficult this is for me. I don't really like fruits or vegetables that much and I am all for cheap and easy when it comes to cooking. I have never shopped for health benefits. I have always shopped for what is the cheapest. It is a complete mind change and a whole new lifestyle. I am really looking forward to when it is second nature to me and not so hard. Today was a struggle, but I made it. I have good friends who are encouraging and that really helps!
In January my dear friend Steve Davis passed away just 3 weeks shy of his 30th birthday. He died from heart related issues. Way too young for that. Honestly, it kind of scared me. If this wonderful guy could die from a heart issue at 29, I could die at 42 and leave my kids behind. My kids have already lost their dad, they don't need to lose their mom too. We also have heart disease and diabetes in my family so I already have that looming over my head.
I decided it was time to work through the back pain and start exercising. I'm still not exercising as much as I should be, but I'm taking it slow and working through the pain. I also decided it is time to get this weight off, especially since I haven't been exercising as much as usual. I tried a specific diet. that lasted about 5 days. I sucked at it. Then a few weeks ago I found this woman on Facebook. She calls herself One Fit Widow. She was overweight and in a bad place when her husband suddenly died. She needed an outlet for her grief so she started working out and switched to a whole foods diet. She lost 80 lbs. She is now a personal trainer and a motivational speaker and she looks absolutely amazing! She is an inspiration.
I finally decided I needed to accept the advice of so many people and make a life style change, not take on yet another diet that will fail. So, I gave up sugar. I didn't just give up sweets, but I gave up sugar. No added sugar in food at all. Boy, that is not easy! There is sugar in almost everything and I am a sugar addict!! I know I've said this before, but there should be a support group for that. Hi, my name is Kelli and I'm addicted to sugar! I only eat the sugar that is naturally in food and I am learning how to read ingredients, not just how many calories or how much fat is in food. If the ingredients are recognizable and has no sugar or anything white (white flour, white rice, etc) then I will eat it. I'm learning how to cook better too. A friend from work decided to do it with me. It will really help us both to do it together so that we can tell each other no and keep each other accountable. My daughter is also learning and she is being a huge help! My mom decided it was time for her to do it too.
This needs to be a permanent change, not just something I do to lose weight. I need to lose the weight yes, but I am doing this to clean out my system and get my body working the way it needs to work.
I have been sugar free for 7 days now. If anyone knows me, they know how difficult this is for me. I don't really like fruits or vegetables that much and I am all for cheap and easy when it comes to cooking. I have never shopped for health benefits. I have always shopped for what is the cheapest. It is a complete mind change and a whole new lifestyle. I am really looking forward to when it is second nature to me and not so hard. Today was a struggle, but I made it. I have good friends who are encouraging and that really helps!
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