Issues

Well, it has definitely been an eventful 2 weeks...although, events that are not that fun for sure. I've already talked about my car problems. They got worse...my engine is dead...not just a little bit, but deader than dead. To fix it will cost more than the car is worth. :( I drove my brother's truck for a little while, but he needed it back because he and his mother-in-law were having car troubles too! It must have been in the air or something! I ended up having to get a car. It's not something I wanted to do or was prepared to do right now. I literally was sick to my stomach over it. I have been fighting queasiness for a week now (no I'm not pregnant!! That would take a miracle!! ha!). I hate that I was forced into that kind of a situation due to circumstances beyond my control, but it's done and there isn't anything I can do about it now. I got a used car, 2003 Hyundai Elantra. It's not what I wanted, but it's wheels and it has a/c and hopefully in a year I will be in a better place to get another vehicle.

Now, I need to figure out how to get myself out of this hole I am in because of money I have had to keep paying out. I think I will have to move closer to work. I need cheaper rent, less gas and less wear and tear on my vehicle so I'm not stuck like this again. This was a HORRIBLE feeling having to rely on so many people and wonder what in the hell I was going to do. I hate living paycheck to paycheck and sometimes not even making it to paycheck. I need to feel comfortable again. At one time I wasn't so scared, now I am. I want to be able to take my kids on roadtrips if I want to or sign them up for extra activities if they want to do them. I shouldn't have to scrimp and save and then have it wiped out from under me because of money.

As I drive down the road and see so many broken down vehicles, I feel for them. Some say people need to take care of their vehicles so that doesn't happen to them. Well, due to current economic troubles, maybe they didn't have the money to take care of the issues with their cars. Maybe they were just praying it would last until the next payday, like I did. I think we all need to remember, that unless we have been in their shoes, we may not understand what they are going through and we shouldn't be so quick to judge. If a single man has never had to want for money in his life, then he shouldn't be judging the single mom who struggles to put food on the table for her kids. Or if the wealthy man has never had to work hard for what he has, then he shouldn't judge the man that has to stand on the street corner and beg for food and money. We don't know what got them to where they are. I am the first one to say, they probably made decisions that put them in that place and that may be true, but I shouldn't judge them for it because some of those circumstances may have been out of their control. Mental illness, job loss, etc.

I haven't been able to post on my blog lately because I'm having computer problems. My internet turns on, but I can't open up internet explorer. Everything else on my computer works, I just can't get onto internet explorer. Very frustrating! I have a lot to say! haha I'm at my mom's right now helping her bottle cherry pie filling and while it is processing I thought I would sit down and write.

This week was also tough on a good friendship. He was really mad at me for something I didn't even know I did. I always answer my text messages. I may be terrible at returning phone calls, but I always answer my text messages. He said he sent me text messages, I never got them. He thought I was ignoring him so when I sent him text messages a couple days later he ignored them. He was very hurt and I didn't even know I had hurt him! This is a great example of how communication is key in ALL relationships. Whether it is a marriage, romantic partnership, family or a friendship. If you don't understand something, ask. If you are hurt, say something. We were fighting and I didn't even know it! How am I supposed to explain or fix it if I don't know what's wrong. I explained my side and hopefully we will be back to normal soon. I miss talking to him. :( Our friendship is such that we can talk about anything and everything or talk about nothing and it is okay with us.

Well, I guess that is all for now. I have much more to say about a lot of things (as usual), but I will save that for later. :)

Crappy Week

What a crappy week this has been. I am so ready for it to be over, move on and start over. Last week I noticed a leak under my car. It was leaking antifreeze. I talked to my brother and he said it could be a hose or it could be the water pump. Well, it wasn't payday yet so I had to keep putting antifreeze in it and hope I could make it to Friday to get it home and figure out how to fix my car. Needless to say, didn't make it. Friday afternoon I walked out of work and saw water and antifreeze all over the ground under my car. Ugh Well, I wasn't too upset about it, I knew it was coming, I was just hoping it would wait until I got home. I checked on the cost of the part, $34.99. Not too bad. I can afford that and still go home for Pioneer Days. Famous last words.

I called Bud, he didn't answer his phone. I left a msg, sent a couple of text messages. He never answered me back...maybe he is sick of working on my car! My brother was busy and out of town as well, so I had my car towed to a shop in Phoenix where I used to take it all the time. They have always been fair with me and I could trust them. The tow was free through my insurance. So, off my car went. The garage isn't open on Saturdays so that was a bummer. My sister took my kids and I home and the rest of the weekend my mom gave me rides to do what I needed to do. And this happened on the weekend that I had to work on Sunday for a coworker. Sunday night I stayed the night at my sister's so I could have a ride to work on Monday.

Saturday, the shop called me. He happened to be in doing paperwork and he wanted to let me know that it was the water pump and how much it was going to cost...$500!!!!!!!! What?!?!?! I about died...a part at the store costs $34.99 and he was quoting me $500!! I told him no way, we had to drop that down somehow. He gave me a couple of discounts and came up with $340. That is better but I still can't afford that. I don't have that much money just laying around. Bud finally called me back on Saturday, he was out of town. He gave me a big lecture about having it towed to the shop, I should have just left it in the parking lot, blah, blah, blah. If I knew he was out of town and that he was going to eventually get back to me then maybe I would have left it and he could help me out. My brother and nephew worked it out to pick it up from the shop and towed it out to their house to fix it. They still have it.

Thankfully my brother has a truck I can borrow or I would be in big trouble. It isn't great, but it runs and it has wheels. I have named it The Beast! The worst thing about it, it doesn't have a/c! OMG IT'S HOT!!!! Hopefully they will be done with my car today so I can go get it.

Even though I didn't have to pay as much as I would have at the shop, I still have had to pay quite a bit and it took all of my trip money. So, once again I am missing out on Pioneer Days. Never fails, something always happens to cancel my trip for Pioneer Days. It's either work, money or car problems. I get very frustrated with that...it's not like I want to go to Hawaii or anything, I want to go home to a town of 3,000 people for Pete's sake. Oh well.

I hate relying on other people...I feel like such a failure when I can't take care of myself. My family and friends are always happy to be there to help me out though and they don't complain about it either. The only complaint I got was from Bud for not telling him sooner that my car had a leak. I didn't tell him because I rely on him to fix my car a lot and I don't want him thinking I am taking advantage of him. I can't express my gratitude to my family and friends enough. My sister and brother-in-law are so amazing. They watch my kids for me all the time, let us stay at their house, drove me around to get parts and get my car in the shop, fed us and took care of us. My mom gave me rides even when she didn't feel good and let me take her car to pick up some stuff. My brother and nephew towed my car back to their house, their fixing it, fed us and lent me a truck. I have had a few of my friends offer me rides. One was even willing to get up super early to take me to work, which is a 30 minute trip. He's so awesome! Bud calls me everyday to see how things are going and to make sure I'm okay and check the status of my car. I feel very loved!! I have the best friends and family ever!! Love you all!

City Girl or Country Girl??

Lately I have really been missing my home. I think it's the damn heat. It is so freakin' hot and every summer the struggle to deal with it is harder. Maybe it's the age thing. Maybe is just that I need a change in my life. I think if there were jobs in the mountains I would go, but would I regret it later? Would it be the grass is always greener scenario? I am so dependent on my sister and my mom that sometimes I think I need to just leave so I am forced to figure it out, but the only way I would want to do that is to go to a small town so I won't have to worry as much. Of course I would still worry as I should because bad stuff happens there too, but I wouldn't have to be as paranoid as I am in the city.

I have been trying to figure it out. Am I a country girl living in the city or am I a city girl that wants and used to live in the country? I guess I am a bit of both. In some ways I am a country girl and I belong in the country. I love the quiet, clean air, being able to see the mountains when I want, working hard outside, having a big yard, gardening, canning my own food, the closeness of a small community, seeing stars, rain and everyone watching out for everyone else. The things I don't like about country life? Lack of a dating life...although I don't have much of one right now as it is, so I guess that wouldn't be any different. Even though I love to look at the mountains, spend some time in the mountains and smell the air in the mountains, I don't like to camp or fish or hunt. I don't even really hike. I like going to my dad's house in the mountains, but I don't really leave his house when I'm there. I just stay on his property and enjoy the quiet. I don't know anything about animals and don't really care to know about them. I can appreciate their beauty from a distance and I'm good with that. So does that mean I'm not a true country girl?

I love the conveniences of city life. The grocery store is 2 minutes away and so is Walmart and Target. The fabric store is 5 minutes away and there are many, many things for my kids to do...if I have the money for it...which, honestly, is very rare. When we visited New York 5 years ago, I loved Manhattan. If I didn't have kids, I totally would have loved to live there at least for a year just to say I did. The buildings were massive and the architecture was incredible. You could get anywhere in the city without even owning a vehicle. The other thing about the city? Jobs...I have a good job. It sort of pays the bills, has benefits and I love what I do. Most of my family is in the city, with some exceptions, and I have a lot of friends here.

As I write this, I think I am mostly a country girl with some city girl in me. I don't think anyone would be too surprised if I moved to a small town in the mountains, nor would they be surprised if I stayed in the city for the rest of my life. I think I can make myself at home in either place, it's just a matter of how badly do I need or want that change? Maybe someday, when I'm retired and don't have to worry about a job. Then I can go up there, grow my garden and my flowers and just be happy in my quiet...as long as my kids come with me so I can be around grandkids. :)

Babies Galore!

Babies, babies, everywhere!! It seems that babies come in cycles. You go a long time without having any in your life and then bam, you start noticing they are everywhere again. Over the last month an old friend has become a grandma, another friend just found out she is going to be a first time grandma, another friend had a baby this week, yet another friend is almost 4 months pregnant and my baby sister is pregnant again and just found out she is going to have a boy! I am so excited! I LOVE babies!!!!


There is nothing like holding a baby. They are so small and precious. They are cute, cuddly and smell good. I love when they are awake, alert and taking in every bit of their surroundings...at least those they can see. :) I also love when they are sleeping...so peaceful and beautiful.


I am so excited for my friend who is having a baby that I have already offered to throw her baby shower in a few months. She is going to be a great mom and she is very happy about this baby. My baby sister is already a great mom to 3 girls!!! So very exciting that she is having a boy...her husband is over the moon I'm sure. A little boy he can teach to be a huge sports fan and which teams he needs to follow. :) Hopefully he will learn from his big sisters exactly the right way to treat a girl.


Obviously I'm excited about all the babies coming into the world over the next several months...as long as this is not contagious or in the water!!!!