Jealousy, Frustration and Other Stupid Stuff

This is pitty party time. I try really hard not to have pitty parties, I really do. Sometimes I really have to work at it not to, but I think I do okay most of the time. The last few days I have been feeling sorry for myself and today is just the day I'm gonna put it in words then move on and sometimes every person needs a pity party, right? A while back a friend of mine came into town and didn't call me. I gave him a hard time about it, he apologized and said he was coming into town the next weekend and we could get together then. Great! Well, not a damn word! He has texted me a few times since then and never said anything about it so I have just let it go. Then a couple weeks ago another friend of mine was putting on facebook how she really felt abandoned by her friends and they never were available to do anything with her. I told her she never asked me. We made plans to go to the movie yesterday. Planned it two weeks in advance because spontanious is no longer a word in my vocabulary. I texted her yesterday morning to see if we were still going to the movie, nothing. I finally went to the movie by myself. She finally got back with me and apologized and I said it was ok. This guy I have been seeing off and on for the last year had asked me out for last night a couple weeks ago. He has been sick this whole week and guess what? Our date was cancelled. The biggest reason I have not pushed this into anything further is because this guy has backed out on plans, changed plans, showed up late (one time he left me sitting in a parking lot so long I finally left), but he always has a good reason. His daughter got sick, he is sick, his car broke down, blah, blah, blah. Friends AND dates have stood me up, left me hangin', changed plans last minute and cancelled a lot and everytime I say, "It's okay. I understand." Well, one time I just want to say it's not okay. Sometimes it really pisses me off! Why the hell am I so nice?? I get things happen, but it seems to happen a lot and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of sitting around and waiting for people. I'm tired of being a door mat. I'm done asking.

Another friend of mine has just recently gotten into a relationship. I'm really happy for her, I truly am. I want her to be happy because she really deserves it. She has had her share of jerks just like the rest of us. I hope this guy treats her well and that he is the right one for her. But, at the same time, I'm jealous. I'm jealous that she has found love and I still haven't. It has been 5 1/2 years since Tom died and I haven't had anything even remotely close to a relationship since then. It has just been one bad for me guy after another. I'm a good person too and I deserve it too. I have gotten to the point where I wonder if I'm even capable of being in a relationship. Will I know how? I'm not sure actually. I'm so used to the men not caring, calling or showing me that I'm worth it, I just don't know.

Ok, pitty party done! :)

30 Seconds of Great Entertainment!

Every morning I drop my kids off at my mom's on my way to catch my carpool. I am up and on the road when most people are dreaming of whatever it is they dream about. It is still dark out so imagine my surprise when as I am leaving my mom's house, I see a kid down the street. I am watching this kid walk in circles around the fire hydrant that is at the end of the street. He is carrying a skateboard and a broom and just walking in circles. Round and round he goes. As I'm driving and getting closer to him I'm thinking, "What is a kid doing out this time of morning?". I get up there and realize he isn't a kid at all, but a grown man. I pull up to the stop sign and just stare at him for a few seconds. He does a couple more circles, makes sure his broom is securely planted on his shoulder, gets on his skateboard and rides away. My first thought was, maybe he is one of those people that has certain rituals he has to do because if he doesn't do them, the whole world will come to an end. His happens to be carrying a broom and a skateboard while doing 15 circles around every fire hydrant he comes across. hmmmmm I was hoping to see him again this morning, but I was disappointed. Oh well...maybe he was entertaining someone else.

Allergies

I have suffered from allergies all my life and I don't just have them in the spring, I have them all year round. I also don't just have allergies to plants, but I'm allergic to animals too. I have a very hard time being around cats especially. It seems if within a mile of a cat, my eyes start to swell shut, my nose is a faucet, my face turns bright red, I can't breath and I break out into hives. Oh yeah, I'm one sexy mama when that happens!! My allergies do seem to be worse in the spring though. This year has been pretty bad for a lot of people. We had more than usual amounts of moisture this winter, which leads to lots and lots of flowering things. And being spring, the wind blows...a lot! Then you add to that I live in a desert so when the wind blows all that pollen and dust get mixed together and makes for some miserable days. I usually don't whine too much when I'm sick, but when my allergies act up, I am the biggest baby there is. I woke up two days ago to swollen eyes. I looked in the mirror and scared myself...I looked like I had gone 10 rounds in a box ring...and I lost! My eyes were black and swollen so bad I could hardly open them. I took a pill and washed my eyes, which kept people from asking me if I needed a domestic violence counselor, but I still couldn't open my eyes all the way. I even had a rash on my eyelid! How in the hell do you get a rash on your eyelid?? It sucks to be sitting at work and wanting so bad to just scratch my eyes. I know it would feel so much better! But, I also know that will be short lived and my eyes will swell shut just to spite me and I will be in trouble since I won't be able see! I can pretty much only see out of one eye as it is, I don't need to be making it more complicated. Thankfully, the last two days it has been a bit better. I am just really looking forward to having the wind stop blowing. Thankfully I live in this dry desert so I know it will eventually...if I lived up in the mountains where I'm from, it NEVER stops blowing! I'm a firm believer that constant wind can make a person go crazy! :)

Dumb!

The other day, a text was sent out to everyone offering some overtime from 6-10 am. I didn't get that text until 6 so I called and asked if it was still available. Yes it was. So I quick got us all ready to go and rushed over to my mom's to drop the kids off. My mom lives in a condo where they all look alike. I pull into her driveway and tell the kids to hurry up and go to the door. As we are walking up the sidewalk my kids are saying, "Mom, it looks different." and pointing out little things that are just slightly different. Me-"Just ring the doorbell. I'm in a hurry." My son rings the doorbell then says, "Look Mom, there's no sign under the doorbell." Then I realized we were at the wrong house!! Me-"Quick, run!" They both started running to my mom's house and were giggling hysterically the whole way! My mom answered the door and wants to know what's so funny. "Mom went to the wrong house!" My mom has lived in this place for over 3 years so it's not like I don't know where she lives!! I don't know what I was thinking! Dumb! I taught my kids how to ding dong ditch that day inadvertently. It was 7 am and it's a 55 or older place so I figured I had time to get us out of there before they came to the door! LOL

Exhaustion

I have been so tired lately. I guess lack of sleep isn't helping. Add on severe allergies, allergy medicine, being Mom, Dad, Referee, Accountant, Maid, Cook, Teacher, Chauffer and slave into the mix it's no wonder! On Saturday I had such good intentions. I went and picked up my bountiful basket with all those great fruits and vegetables trying to force us all to eat better. I even ordered the extra strawberries so I could make jam. I dropped my kids off at an Easter party and my mom and I literally ran to a couple of stores trying to find Easter gifts because, as usual, I waited until last minute. Then I had to run to the grocery store because I can't seem to EVER remember to get everything on the list. After we finally get home, I put the eggs on to boil so we could color them and sat down on the couch to watch some tv. It was pretty quiet in my house for a change because I bought both of my kids a new movie and they were in their rooms watching them (yes, I'm a firm believer in using tv as a babysitter!). Anyway, next thing I know, my daughter comes in and says, "Mom, my movie is over. When can we color eggs?" I'm pretty foggy headed and then it dawns on me what she says, eggs. "Oh shit!!!" I jump up and run into the kitchen to see there is only about a 1/2" of water left in the pan. Those eggs cooked for over an hr!! Ugh...I hardly ever take a nap and I chose when I had eggs on to boil to do it. We colored them anyway and we are eating them in salads and stuff...still not too bad surprisingly.

Men and Women

Have the rolls of men and women in the dating game changed? About a year ago I read part of the book "He's Just Not That Into You". Pretty good book. Funny and informative. I really liked the movie too. When the movie came out, a couple of my girlfriends and I went and saw it and the whole time we all said several times, "I've done that!". I also read another book that basically talked about the same thing...let the man come to you. If he really is interested, he will. I'm really curious about this. I have a few men friends that say they like it when the women make the first move. They say it shows courage and strength if the woman does this. I'm wondering if they really do like this because it's an ego boost, is it easier for them so they don't have to make the first move?

Every year a girlfriend of mine and I celebrate our birthdays together. We have done this for the last several years. We have a lot of the same friends, our birthdays are close to each other and we are the same age so we just celebrate together. Last year we had a party and I invited this one man that I invite every year. He and I have been friends for a long time. I've always been somewhat attracted to him, but we were friends so I just let it be. A few years ago I was told he was interested in me for more than friendship, but he never did anything about it and then he got engaged to someone else so I just put that aside and continued with the friendship. The night of our birthday party he told me he has liked me for the last 3 years and he really wanted to talk to me about it. What???!!!! 3 years???!!!!! He's engaged to someone else and now he's telling me this 3 years later??!!! I went on a lunch date with him to talk about it. I asked him what he planned on doing if I said I was interested back and he said "nothing". He said it wasn't cold feet, he just needed to tell me before he got married. Now, I ask, what in the world is the purpose of that??? He didn't do anything about it when we were both available and maybe could have had something, he waits until a month before he gets married. After talking to some other single women out there, he's not the only one who has done this. There are several women out there who have had similar experiences. I'm just wondering if the art of wooing is gone. Should I be making the first move? If so I'm in trouble because I'm a believer that the man should be stepping up, being a man and taking care of it.