Single in a Married World

Last Sunday we had the opportunity to go to church with my sister.  Elder Dallin Oaks, a leader in our church, was going to be there so I was pretty excited!  As we were sitting in the very crowded church waiting for it to start, Elder Oaks was walking around shaking hands.  We sent my son to the end of the row and he was able to shake Elder Oaks' hand!  I was more excited than he was. :)  Elder Oaks was the last speaker and he was amazing just as he always is.  He is very funny!

One of the parts of his talk that stuck out to me the most was him talking about singles.  Now, he was talking about singles in the church, but it is true about singles outside of the church too.  His mother was a young widow who had to raise her children alone.  So he saw how hard it can be to be single in a married world.  His first wife passed away a couple years ago so he learned what it was like to be single himself.  Then he met a woman and eventually married her.  She was in her 50's and this was her first marriage.  So he learned a lot about being single from her.  He read a portion of an article that was published in a church magazine called the Ensign.  In the June 2002 issue there was an article written by Kathy Grant about singles and how people need to be mindful of their needs. 

 "Imagine that your favorite hobby is stargazing and you’ve just joined a stargazing club. You come to your first club activity eager to participate. It’s a cold night, but you’re not concerned: most of the club members are wearing club jackets, and you’ve been told you should be able to get one as well. But there is no jacket for you. You ask about it, and you are told to keep looking and that if you do your best, you will find a jacket when the time is right.

Meanwhile, you are getting pretty cold and a little worried. And you notice that most of the other club members are talking about how nice and warm their jackets are. In fact, throughout the evening the topic surfaces continually in various forms: how to wash and dry your jacket, how to add extra pockets, how to mend it, and so forth. Some of the club members notice you don’t have a jacket. “You really need a jacket for these activities,” they tell you. 'Why don’t you have one yet?'"

 

I love this analogy.  I was 26, almost 27 when I got married the first time.  In my home town that was old!  I was practically an old maid!  Some of my friends were already on their 2nd marriage and others had 7 or 8 year old kids.  I thought I would never find the man of my dreams let alone have children.  I heard "Why aren't you married yet? You are so great!"  "Keep looking, he'll be here."  "I love being married.  It's so wonderful to have someone to share your life with."  blah, blah, blah.  These are all well meaning and good, but to that single person they are just annoying. 

 

Nearly 8 years ago I suddenly and unexpectedly found myself single again, but this time I had 2 kids.  I have heard all the same things that I heard back in my 20's.  And I feel the same way...blah, blah, blah.  I know that it is all in God's time.  I know that if I am meant to get married again it will happen and I just have to be patient.  God tests my patience ALL the time.  Obviously that is where I struggle the most and so he is determined to show me that I need to learn to be patient. 

 

Over the last year I have had several dreams about a mystery man.  He is always the same.  Tall, dark, fit.  I have never seen his face in any of my dreams.  I am very comfortable with him like I have known him for a long time.  The last dream was interesting because I dreamt I moved to a small town.  It wasn't my hometown.  It was different and Tom is the one that convinced me to go.  He was in the dream just in that respect, to get me to move there.  I was not happy with Tom for convincing me to move there.  Then I went outside and walking down the sidewalk towards me was this mystery man.  He put his arms around me and I was no longer mad and was filled with happiness that he was there.  Then I woke up.  I find it interesting that Tom was involved in this.  Maybe I need him to be ok with it and this was his way of telling me it was ok.  Or maybe I'm just making something out of a dream that really is just that...a dream.

 

If this mystery man is supposed to come into my life, he needs to come soon cuz I'm sick of having dreams about him and it not being a reality.  At the same time, I wonder if I really want to get married again.  The men that I'm attracted to aren't really good for me.  The men that are attracted to me???  Well, we all know how that goes!  I will just keep doing what I'm doing and if he shows up, he shows up.  He's probably going to have to do a lot to convince me though because I will be questioning whether he is for real or in my dreams. :)