Parenting

I am beginning to think that raising kids is all luck. How in the world did our parents get us raised without completely losing it? Well, for one thing, kids are a lot different now than when I was a kid and parenting is different. When I was a kid the teachers and the principal had paddles. These big 1 inch thick pieces of wood with a handle on it and holes drilled in it to get that velocity they were looking for. When a kid was called into the hallway everyone knew that kid was gonna get a swat on the behind. Then, if you got a swat at school, you knew you were gonna get it at home too! I was terrified of that paddle so I was really good in school. Somewhere over the years, how we discipline our children has changed. We have coddled them and decided they get a vote in what happens. A friend of mine used to tell her kids, "There is no democracy in this house! You don't get a choice here. You obey the rules that I set down or you face the consequences...period!" Before I had kids, I thought that was harsh. Now that I have kids of my own, I totally get it!!

Another thing that I think is different is the generation of children. I think this generation is over the top smart, definitely smarter than us parents. They are also WAY stubborn! Oh my goodness, kids are stubborn! I think stubborness is good, but trying to get that channeled into using it the right way is going to be the death of me! I have been watching not only my own kids, but my nieces and nephews too. My niece figured out how to open a small transformer type toy and close it back up the first time she played with it...she turned 1 last week. Scary!!

I have never been the kind of person that likes to ask for help. It makes me feel weak and I hate relying on other people. Since my husband died, I have had to rely on my family a lot and I have started relying on a few friends that have offered help. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be able to do this whole single parent thing. Over the last year or so, I am slowly learning that I need back up! I need to know that I'm not crazy and I'm not the only one who is struggling to raise kids. I have started asking around to see if other parents have the same struggles with their kids that I do and the resounding answer is yes! I have also started asking for advice. Any advice I can get is helpful. I have asked other parents what they do in certain situations, I receive the Love and Logic newsletter and get advice from that and we have started family counseling. I even have a friend that doesn't have kids, but he has offered to put a little bit of fear of the law into them! If I can nip the stealing from me and the lying to me in the bud right now, then I will do whatever it takes!

Co-parenting is great because you do have that back up that is needed. Whether you are married or divorced, if both parents back each other up and have that united front, then the children know they aren't going to get away with going to the other parent to get what they want. They also get that little bit of a break that all parents need to keep their sanity! There are other single parents who don't have that co-parent. For me, it is because I'm a widow. For others it is because they chose to have children on their own or those that the other parent has become absent. For those of us that don't have that co-parent, we need to rely on family, friends or whoever else we can find to back us up! For me it's my family, some people from church, a counselor and lately some friends. Recently, the kids were out of school for Christmas break and my carpool buddy was very nice to offer to drive my kids to my sister's house, which is right by our work. As what is typical for my kids, the first couple of days they were really good in her car because they weren't sure how things worked yet. As time went on, they became more comfortable and slipped into their not listening, argumentative ways. One morning I told them 3 times to stop fighting and to keep the noise down in the car...it was like I wasn't even talking. Well, my friend promptly pulled off at the next exit and pulled into a parking lot. She made the kids get out of the car and proceeded to get in their faces and tell them they had better start minding and listening to me and they owed me an apology. She was my backup that day and the transformation was amazing!

Thank you to all of you who back me up, support me, help me out and give me advice! I wouldn't be able to do this without you!