8 Years

Every year the 26th and 27th roll around and I think, this year it won't be so bad.  I mean, it's been 8 years.  I should be past this, right?  For the last couple of days I have been crying at the drop of a hat, not wanting to get up and do anything and I couldn't figure out why.  I've been on vacation for nearly 3 weeks so I lost track of what the date was.  Now I know...it's like my body and mind automatically know.  The problem is, not only is it hard because I lost my husband and how I lost him, but I can remember every single detail of the 2 days surrounding his death.  Every single one.  Even after all this time, I can still remember what happened and how it all felt.  Is this how it's always going to be?

I decided today I'm going to remember what kind of man Tom was.  So here it goes.

Tom was the most giving person I have ever met.  If anyone needed anything, Tom was the one they would call.  He was that way with me too.  He would get so mad at me when I would do things on my own.  He was supposed to be the one to do them.  He was mechanically inclined and could do minor repairs to our car.  He was talented at woodworking.  He was a manly man.  Loved to hunt, fish or just hang out in the woods.  On the flip side, he was secure enough in his manhood that he would hold my purse while I tried on clothes at the store and loved to watch chick flicks with me and even liked them...although I was sworn to secrecy on that!  He was very patriotic.  He served our country for 18 years.  He was a hard worker.  Family meant the world to him.  He was also very, very funny.  He could have me laughing so hard with tears rolling down my face all the time.  He used to make up tall tales for all the kids.  He was an excellent cook!  He loved to feed the missionaries so he could make his enchiladas and make them a little extra spicy for them so they would have something to write home about.  He was a big kid and so all the kids just loved him.  He was a scout leader and absolutely loved it.  He never met a stranger and anyone who met him, loved him.  He drove me crazy with having to watch fishing shows every Saturday.  He was also stubborn.  He was affectionate and loved holding hands.  I could go on forever.  I loved this man so much and I still do.  I miss him every single day.