A New Day

Thankfully, the anniversary weekend is over.  It is exhausting trying to keep my mind occupied so I don't have to think about the significance of the 2 days in October that I dread.  I hate remembering every single detail and I hate trying to forget.  Like I said before, it's like I have no control over it or how my body and mind react.

I'm grateful for good friends who are understanding and supportive and for family who do their very best to help me through it.  This year I planned a family picnic on the day.  I needed to do something and what better way to honor Tom than to spend time with family.  Although, my family had no idea that is why I planned the picnic for that day in particular. :)  It was a nice relaxing day just visiting, eating and catching up.  The kids had a blast running around the park, playing soccer and baseball.  My kids don't know the significance of these days and I hope I never have to remind them either.  I want them to be carefree and happy and not have the looming doom and gloom of the day hanging over them like it does for me.  I really, really hope that if I meet someone new, that he will be understanding or that I will be able to put it in a space in my mind and heart where it belongs.

For me, it's like October 28th is the beginning of a new year.  A day when I can say, "I made it through another anniversary and I'm still here."  I'm fine.  I'm happy for the most part.  I have bad days of course, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm happy.  I love my kids and they love me.  I have great family and friends, a good job and so far I wake up every morning. 

It is back to work for me tomorrow after 3 weeks off.  I'm kind of sad about that.  I think I could retire and be completely happy about that.  However, I am teaching a couple of classes at work in November and I am working on taking some more classes about veterans and how to help them.  I am so excited about that prospect.  I will take these classes and hopefully be able to use them to write lesson plans for work and be able to teach others the importance of this for the officers and dispatchers.  Taking these classes, learning all that I can and then hopefully one day teaching others, is the best way that I can honor Tom.