Strength and Grief

When someone we love leaves this hard, difficult life I am reminded of a couple of things.  First and foremost, how much I love my kids and family.  Second, how precious life really is.

I also am reminded of what it is like to grieve.  We never get over the grief and sadness, we just learn how to cope and deal with it.  In those first days we are carried and held up by our family and friends.  I know I relied on my family very heavily during those times when Tom died.  They literally held me up at the funeral.  My mom on one side and my dad on the other side holding my arms so I wouldn't collapse.  I hadn't eaten in days and with no food and no emotional strength, I was weak.  At the graveside if my dad hadn't been holding onto me when they did the gun salute, I probably would have collapsed.  My kids were very small, so they don't remember hardly at all.  We look at pictures sometimes of the graveside so their memories are from those.

I believe that life is eternal.  That this life here on earth is just a stepping stone.  It is a time to gain a body, to learn and grow.  Unfortunately, the only way we can learn and grow is to have hardships so that we can truly appreciate the good things.  I also believe that we learn and grow in the next life too. We just don't have the limitations of sin, temptation, physical bodies or mental issues to block our way. 

Also after someone dies, we find a strength inside of us that we never knew existed.  It comes from deep inside.  We have to dig way down, but it is there.  We find it with the help of a loving God.  He wraps his love around us and gives us what we need to keep moving on.  We find this strength and we move on because we have to.  We can't go through life in deep sorrow and sadness.  If we do, then we will never be able to progress and move forward.  It is the same with anger which is a step in the grieving process.  We have to get past that anger in order grow, however, the time table is different for every person.  For a while we live in a fog and try to find a new kind of normal.  When the fog lifts that is when the pain really begins, but eventually the pain lessens and we are able to find happiness again.  And it is okay to be happy!

I try really hard to avoid funerals.  Sometimes they can't be avoided though.  You have to be there to say your goodbyes and to support those left behind, to show them you love them.  Unfortunately I have been to a few funerals over the last few years.  My grandma, a couple of officers and a couple of friends.  The one thing that has amazed me is the strength and courage I see in the family members.  My dad who lost his mom and his sister so close together.  I am sure that he knows they are both whole and happy.  The mother and son who lost their son/brother to suicide and yet they were comforting everyone else.  I unfortunately wasn't able to attend a funeral of my dear friend's sister who also died by suicide, but I witnessed her strength in the days prior and the days after.  I was supposed to be there for her and yet, she has been a strength for me.  I wasn't able to attend the funeral of my friend's mother either, but I see the strength of her children and grandchildren all the time.  They know she is whole again.  The widow of an officer I worked with who continues to show amazing strength.  She tells her story and although she has found someone new, she keeps her husband's memory alive for her and her children and for the rest of us.  She has been able to find the balance of loving a new man and loving the first man.  My friend who lost her husband on Christmas day unexpectedly.  She is so amazing!!  I will continue to tell her that because she truly is.  She has a strong belief in God and eternal life.  She is a wonderful mother and in her grief, she is showing tremendous love and compassion to her children by helping them grieve.  She is drawing strength from the prayers that are being offered and knowing that she will be with her husband again. 

My mom has been a tremendous strength.  She lost her husband before I lost Tom and she has helped me so much.  I still learn so much from her and from all of these people.  I am blessed to have them in my life.