Clumsy Me

My late husband was the clumsiest person I know.  We were always in E.R. for one reason or another.  When he was a kid he knocked out his 4 front teeth and cut off part of his pinky finger and had it sewn back on and that was just the very tip of the iceberg.  My daughter is pretty clumsy too.  It proves to me that although she is adopted, she was meant to be our kid since she takes after her dad so much.  We will be walking down the street and next thing I know she is on the ground because she tripped and fell.  She is always running into walls and doors.  I am always laughing at her and her clumsiness and she has learned to embrace it and laugh at herself.  I'm not really clumsy by nature.

I have had some clumsy moments in my life like everyone else.  When I was 12 or 13, we were playing hide-and-go-seek after dark in my dad's neighborhood.  Behind a huge tree there was a carport that had a support beam across it that was eye level.  I had the brilliant idea to hide back there.  I am mostly blind in my left eye.  I forgot the beam was there and when I was running to hide behind the tree, I smacked right into that beam.  I actually knocked myself out and no one found me!  I finally came to and cried all the way home with the whole left side of my face black and blue and bleeding.  I've fallen and hurt my back before.  One time I pulled a muscle in my back and ended up in the E.R.  My family had to join me because I was always in the waiting room of the E.R. for them so now it was my turn to be the patient. 

Lately it seems the clumsiness is taking over my life.  At work I tripped over the mat that was under my console a few times and we finally had to remove it before I did a face plant on the desk.  That same day I smashed my finger trying to move a chair out of the way.  I burned my finger and pinched my finger in the folding doors where my washer and dryer are.  Where is all of this coming from?  Thursday was the topper.  

I was late getting to bed and I always shower at night since I get up so dang early.  When I went to get out of the shower, somehow I tripped.  Not sure how that happened, but I stepped on the metal runner for the shower doors.  The metal sticks up about an inch and a half and I put my whole weight on that.  Then I slipped, so not only did i step on it, I slipped when I did.  I could feel myself falling and all I could think at the time was, "Don't hit your head!"  So trying not to crack my head open I hit the shower door with my hip, somehow hurt my wrist, bruised my hand, stepped on the metal, twisted and landed on the tile floor on my hip.  I didn't hit my head, but I sure hurt everything else!  While on the floor I thought two things.  The first, there was a cricket on the floor close to me and I thought, "Please don't jump on me."  The second, "I have to get up because I can't have the fire department come with me like this!"  Funny when you work in my line of work that is one of the first thoughts you think of.  Don't let these first responders see me like this!  It took me a few minutes, but I was able to get up and get dressed.  Phew...no need to call fire!

I also hurt my back and neck in the fall, so when I went to bed that night I had a heating pad on my neck, one on my lower back and an ice pack on the bottom of my foot.  I looked so pathetic I'm sure.  Yesterday I went to work because I knew if I called in no one would believe me.  Everyone knew I wanted the day off to go to a funeral and wasn't able to take the day off so it would look suspicious if I said I "fell" on that same day.  Boy, sitting in one spot with getting up every once in a while sure makes a person stiff.  My hip and back were killing me and I couldn't put any pressure on my foot.  

Interesting how 24-48 hrs after the injury is when you really start to feel the effects.  My hip is now one very large bruise in colors of red, purple, blue and black.  There is a bruise on the bottom of my foot almost right in the middle of the arch that when it first happened was black and is now the same pretty multicolors of my hip.  I finally got brave last night and touched it and there is a big lump under the bruise.  No wonder I can't put any pressure on my foot!  So, today I stayed home and I'm staying off my foot as much as possible, putting ice on it and keeping it elevated to see if that will help.  Hopefully it's just a really bad bruise and not broken.  

My sister told me only old people fall getting out of the shower and said maybe I need to get a shower chair.  My friend told me I should have one of those bathtubs that has a door on it installed.  Yeah, I'm definitely feeling old!