Memorial Day

Every year the beginning of Summer is marked by the first 3 day weekend of the Summer, Memorial Day. It is great to have a 3 day weekend at the end of May every year. Picnics, bbq's, camping, road trips, trips to the river or lake or just lounging by the pool and hanging out with family. These are all great things to do and a lot of fun. They are necessary for our sanity for sure. But, while you are doing these fun things, I would ask you to please remember the real meaning of this day.

Memorial Day was first enacted to honor the Union and Confederate soldiers of the American Civil War and then extended after World War I to honor those Americans that lost their lives from all wars. It is to commemorate those that lost their lives while in military service.

I want to remember all service men and women. I am so grateful for the sacrifices that are made every single day to protect our freedoms, our country and our lives. The sacrifices that are made are not only to their physical bodies...putting themselves in harms way, losing limbs, getting wounded or the ultimate sacrifice, giving their lives. They also sacrifice time with their families, being able to settle down in one place for very long and they sacrifice their mental health.

I'm going to talk about that for just a minute, because that has a special place in my heart. Human beings are not made to see the things they see in war...bodies being blown apart, their comrads dying and innocent people being killed as a casualty of war. Humans are not meant to kill other humans. It's not normal. We are taught our whole lives that it is a huge sin to kill and it is not right, normal or good, and it's not. However, sometimes it has to be done to protect what is right...freedom. Free agency is what God gave us in the very beginning and we need to do what is necessary to protect that. In the beginning God had two sons. One said he would force us to comply and do what we were supposed to. The other son said He would teach us right from wrong and let us choose and make our own mistakes. Jesus Christ was willing to sacrifice his life to be our Savior and protect our free agency. That is how important freedom is. It isn't free. Even those that come home from war with no visible injuries, no scars that we can see with our eyes, they still have scars. If they say it didn't bother them, then they are lying to protect themselves. They have images of horrible things that will be forever in their minds. Some are able to get help, cope and live with it. Some are not.

I grew up in a home where it was taught how important freedom and agency are and how important it is to respect those that sacrificed for us so we could vote, express our opinions without fear, worship as we choose, right to bear arms and how important it is to have laws to continue to protect us. I was also taught that if we don't vote, then it is being disrespectful to those that sacrificed to help us keep that right. When I met my late husband, one of the things that I loved about him, was his patriotism. He was one of the most patriotic people I have ever met. He was in the Navy and then in the Army National Guard. He fought in Desert Storm. When he had a little bit of free time during the war, he worked in the POW camps in Iraq and he fought the oil fires that were burning over there. He was tormented by the things he saw and did in an act of war and many years later took his own life. My dad was in the Air Force and fought in Vietnam. He saw his best friend die right next to him. He doesn't talk about Vietnam very often, but once in a while he says something about this so it is still there and always will be.

I will be forever grateful to those from the beginning of time to present day that have laid down their lives for me and for you. They died knowing how important freedom is and that it needs to be protected at all costs, even the ultimate price if necessary.

Extreme Couponing

If there is anyone out there that hasn't watched the show Extreme Couponing on TLC, I would highly recommend watching it at least once. Very entertaining! When they say extreme, they aren't kidding. There are people on there that have enough food and other things to live for about 4 years without having to go shopping. To quote a teenage boy on the show talking about his friend's family, "If there is a natural disaster, I'm coming here!". Although, to go to the extreme of having enough toilet paper to last for 30 years really isn't my goal, I am definitely trying get better at shopping with coupons.

There are websites that charge you to tell you how to be an extreme couponer. They give you tips and tell you what is on sale, which coupons to use to get free or cheap stuff. I have a hard time justifying paying for it, even though it would be good to get their tips. I follow a few free websites and I get my coupons from friends at work and from my mom who gets them from the ladies she works with. It has worked out pretty well so far.

The show tells us what all these extremers do to save so much money. Every single one of them has an organized system that works for them. Some have books, some have boxes, etc. They all go in with a list and know EXACTLY how much money they will be spending and they don't deviate from their list unless there is something on clearance that they happen to have a coupon for. Some of them dumpster dive for coupons, some walk the neighborhood and get coupons from their neighbors. One lady wrote her local newspaper and asked for all the extra coupons to be delivered to her house instead of them throwing the coupons out. They check their store's coupon policy everytime they shop because it changes. They also get their kids involved in the excitement. One family had 7 or 8 kids and she would sit them all down at the table and have her kids cut out all the coupons. Everytime the mom went shopping she would take at least one of her older kids with her so they would know how to shop with coupons.

So, here are the things that I am finding frustrating. There are hardly any coupons for milk and other dairy products that are used often and very few coupons for meat and produce. These are things that are needed so when I go shopping, my savings aren't the 90% or more that the people on the show have. I don't know how they do that...I'm still trying to figure that out. I also don't have 30 hrs a week to clip coupons and scour the sales like they do. For some it's a full time job and it can also be an obsession. Every one of them is very proud of their stash and some their stash is taking over their homes. Coupons are money to them. They pay with coupons, not money.

I'm getting better at it. For example, mustard was on sale and I had 5 coupons for mustard. I ended up getting 5 bottles of mustard for $.49 a bottle...good thing mustard lasts a long time!! I have had my coupons organized in a 3 ring binder for over a year now. It is much easier to see them. I'm also learning that, until you build up your stash, it is still kind of expensive to shop, but once you get it built up some, you can do pretty well. You also have to ask yourself, is the money that you save worth the time you spend doing it? I think it is. Times are tough for everyone. Gas prices are outrageous so if we can save money on other things, then I would say go for it! If anyone has any extra coupons or gets the paper and doesn't use their coupons, I will take them off your hands!!!!!! Happy couponing!

Social Networking

My friend J recently wrote a post on her blog about the good of Facebook. I'm going to copy her to an extent and write one too, but I'm going to put a slightly different slant on it. Sorry J, I don't want to copy you, but it was too good not to! :) She is an amazing writer!

Anyway, for nearly 20 years I went without knowing where a lot of my school friends were and I had no idea how to get in touch with them. We all left our hometown for an adventure into the unknown called life and we lost track of each other. Right around the time we started planning our 20 year class reunion, we all started working to find each other. That is when I was introduced to Facebook. I was a little leary about it, but when I figured out I could get in touch with people I hadn't spoken to in 20 years, I was very excited! It has now become a way for me to do some socializing. We recently planned a bbq with people from my hometown and it was a great success! We wouldn't have been able to do something like that without facebook. I'm able to keep in touch with family members that I hardly ever get to see and I can keep up with what is going on in people's lives. I have friends that live out of state and because of facebook, I know what is going on in their lives and know how to reach them if needed. I found out a friend had cancer and was able to visit her in the hospital and several other friends that have serious health issues. I have found out when family members die, when people change their relationship status and when babies are born. There have been many, many happy birthday wishes, congratulations extended, support given, prayers asked for and given and condolences. There have been support group sessions when something traumatic has happened as well. I have also found out about events I'm interested in on facebook...like the suicide prevention walk. It is a place where we can vent, share funny stories about our kids or our lives and have a conversation with 10 people where none of us are in the same room and some of the people don't know each other, but we have friends in common. At least one thing a day makes me laugh on facebook and laughter is so important!! J is right in her blog, nothing beats a face to face relationship or conversation, but it's not always possible. I have some friends that don't text on their phones, so the fastest way for them to reach me is through facebook. They send me a msg and because I have facebook on my phone, I'm able to respond right away.

Sometimes on facebook, people say things that we may not agree with. There may be swear words, religious or politcal beliefs we don't agree with or a lifestyle we don't live, but that doesn't mean those people are bad and it doesn't mean that I don't want to be friends with them. The greatest thing about living where we do is our free agency. We have the right to say and do what we want...that doesn't mean it is without consequence of course, but we do have the freedom to express our opinions. We also have the freedom not to listen to those opinions. If someone says something I don't like or don't agree with I can either say something to that person or I can not read it...it is my choice.

I am also on Twitter. I sometimes make posts on there, but not all too often. I mostly follow Twitter because I can get breaking news. For example, one day there was a huge fire in the city. I had a lot of people sending me messages wanting to know what is going on. I got on Twitter and found there was a big fire at a recycling plant...it took me less than a minute to find out. I know what roads are closed, what is coming out of Washington D.C and what kind of exercises are good for troubled areas. Not to mention keeping up with celebrities by reading their drunk tweets! Very good entertainment! hahaha

I have some friends and family that don't like the social networking thing because of the danger of it. My feeling is, do the best you can to protect yourself and live a little. We can't live in a bubble or live like those that live near my hometown...on 40 acres with nothing around, surrounding yourself with barbed wire and booby traps. That is not the way to live, although I can see the temptation for it sometimes!

Sacrifices

I think I'm going to have to come up with nicknames for my friends when I talk about them. I refer to them so much in my blogs because they are a big part of my life, that I confuse myself sometimes when I talk about them, let alone anyone else! I want to keep this as anonymous as possible so that only those that are in it, know who I'm talking about, but yet at the same time give you enough information you can understand and get a visual. That is not an easy thing to do and I'm not sure if I accomplish it, but I keep trying. I think I will call my best guy friend, bestie...I know he will love that! haha Good thing he doesn't read this. hehehe Ok, I will give him a more manly name...Bud (drawn out like Rudy used to say it in The Cosby Show).

Bud is so nice...he bought my son a pocket knife. It's not just any pocket knife. It has all the cool attachments. Two different screw driver heads, can opener, knife, scissors, saw, cork screw and it even has a tiny light on it. Oh my goodness...my boy was super excited! I still don't trust him to have that knife full time, so I will hang onto it for him and he will have it for his next boyscout campout. My son loves boyscouts! It is about the only time he gets to be around boys and men since he is around girls all the time. He has boy cousins, but they are so much younger and his uncles are super busy and my dad lives far away.

So, I think I'm going to try and teach my son how to fish. This should be a pretty funny thing to watch. Candid camera would get some good film footage from it for sure. I don't fish. I went fishing a couple times with my late husband...he was a big time fisherman. I spent most of the time reading or just enjoying watching him be so happy and calm. Here's the thing...I'm very much a girl. I don't like to camp, hunt or fish. I prefer toilets, showers, running water and a bed. I don't mind outside activities as long as I have access to these things. The closest thing I got to camping in recent years was the breast cancer 3day and we slept in tents and had to use portapotties. I also hate touching things that squirm or are slimy. So, putting a worm on a hook would totally send me into convulsions...not only would I have to touch a worm, but I would have to poke a hook through it! Then, if a fish is caught, I have to touch the squirmy fish to get it off the hook...ooooo...I'm shuddering just thinking about it!! All of that said, I can't wait around for a man to do this. With the way my luck is going, my son will be grown and gone before that happens....and we need to make sacrifices for our kids, right?????? Wish me luck! If anyone wants to join in the fun, let me know...should be entertaining to say the least!

The Joys of Aging

The other day at work, I was talking to a friend of mine I very rarely get to speak to. We work at different times...nature of the business! Anyway, somehow our conversation turned to getting old. He is around my age. We aren't old, but we certainly aren't 20 any more either. He was saying that he somehow hurt his back and it seemed to be taking forever for it to get better. He started telling me some of his injuries that he had recently sustained. None of them major and certainly not serious enough to keep him from working, but enough to annoy. He said he remembers a time when he would totally beat up his body, go to bed and the next day he was up running and rarin' to go. Now it takes 3 weeks to recover from a papercut! haha I had definitely had to laugh at that because that is how I have been feeling lately. I seem to be getting hurt a lot lately and it is taking forever to recover! It never used to take me that long to recover...3 1/2 weeks later my foot is still not healed!

Another example of this is yesterday morning I got up early and went for a bike ride. It was the 2nd day in a row for that and it felt great to get out there and ride, other than the extreme pain of sitting on a bicycle seat 2 days in a row (I don't think I will ever get used to that!). When I got home it was early enough before I had to get ready for church, that I decided to do a few planks. I'm trying to get rid of that weight around my middle that I never used to have a problem with. So I was doing planks, did a couple of regular push ups (not girl pushups!) and did a couple more planks. I did the whole twist to the side while in plank position and all of a sudden I got a severe pain in my neck where it meets my shoulder. Oh great...I figured I would just relax and it would go back to normal soon. That was yesterday morning around 6:30 am and it still hurts! It's even giving me a headache. I really, really need someone to massage my neck and shoulders...this is when I miss having a man in my life! lol I wonder how many people can actually say they strained a muscle doing a plank...sheesh.

I was talking to another friend from work and he said he recently had a birthday...he turned 50! I asked him if he had a big party to celebrate and he said, "No...I crawled back under the covers and went to sleep." haha Priorities change I guess! He also used the old line on me, "The first thing to go is memory, I can't remember what the 2nd thing is." That is also very true. If I don't write stuff down, it doesn't happen. I missed a hair appt this month. I was thinking the other day that my hair seems to be getting kind of long and I sure do need a haircut. I had to think about it and I realized that I didn't put my hair appt in my phone so I completely spaced the appt. I have to put things in 3 places. I have a calendar hanging in the kitchen, on my phone and I have a big dry erase calendar on the door to my garage. If it's not on there, it's not going to happen! So, if I miss something with someone, it's not personal! I just have to remember to write stuff on the calendar!

I've also starting noticing changes in my body...gravity takes over and it seems to be overnight! What the???? When did that happen? I tell you what...I was told 40 is the magic age for changes. I thought that was funny, but little did I know how right they were! All the injuries I've recently sustained and how long it took me to get over being sick plus the other changes, but they weren't kidding!! The battle of the bulge also gets more difficult!

At church sitting in uncomfortable seats my back was hurting and my backside was hurting from my bike and having to sit on hard chairs. It takes me longer to get up sometimes when I have been sitting for a long time and I'm slow moving for a little bit. I guess I'm just going to have accept that I'm not getting any younger and although I need to be active and exercise, I need to be careful what I do!

Aging isn't all bad though. I'm definitely more secure in myself, I know who I am and what I want. I'm more confident in most everything I do. I know what kind of people I want to surround myself with. When I think about my age, I think of myself as being 25, not 40. I have to remind myself that I'm not 25 anymore and that was a long time ago!

What are Your talents?

I made it to church today...two weeks in a row! I'm on a roll! lol We went because my daughter really, really wanted to go. Me, I had a headache and I pulled a muscle in my neck doing planks...don't ask, ugh. I'm probably the only one who has accomplished that feat! Anyway, I wasn't really feeling like going, but my daughter convinced me we should go, so we did. I'm not sure why I fight it so hard every week. I definitely have some rebellion in me! Everytime we go to church, I leave there feeling inspired by something that was said. Today, it was a lesson about talents.

First, let me say, there are some very inspiring, strong, amazing and spiritual women that I go to church with and I consider to be my friends. Everyone has talents. These talents are gifts from God and we are blessed to have them and obligated to use them for good and to make them grow.

Some talents are very obvious. Singing, playing a musical instrument, poetry, painting, public speaking, teaching, etc. Other talents are things that most of us don't even think of being a talent. Patience, being uplifting and inspiring, humor, surgeon, scientist, compassion, etc. These things are all needed to make our world better. Can you imagine a world without those that make us laugh? What if those very funny people didn't work on growing their talent. The world would be a sad place with no laughter.

My son is very visual. He can take things apart and put them back together. If someone shows him how to build something, he can do it better than anyone ever expected. He is very precise and a perfectionist. It has to be just so. If he expands on that and continues to make it grow, he can make that talent into something amazing...like being an engineer or an architect or build rockets. My daughter is more into the artistic side of life. I can totally picture her being an actress. She definitely has the flare for the dramatic! She can also paint, draw and she has dabbled in writing some poetry.

I also believe that our talents manifest themselves in the time of our lives that is right for us. For instance, I never in a million years would have pictured myself being able to write a blog or write poetry. I never thought I had any writing talent at all. Granted, I have no formal training and I am not great at it, but I think I'm not too bad at it. I've written 3 poems, one of them was read at the funeral of a coworker. When I was in high school, I used to sing. I did solos and duets in church, I was first chair alto in choir at school, solos in talent shows, funerals and weddings and I sang a solo for Honor Day for High School Graduation. Over the years, due to me not working on my talent and getting older, I have lost my voice. I don't sing like I used to. My voice is weak, I don't have the range or power I used to and I would die if I had to sing a solo now. Now, I stick to singing in the shower or with the radio and annoying those around me!

How do we find our talents? I think having a desire to do something is a start. A friend of mine shared today that she always wanted to be a writer, but she didn't pursue it...she buried it. Now, in this time of her life, the desire to be a writer has grown stronger so she is pursuing it. She is meeting with people who are teaching her how to grow that talent and are encouraging her to continue on. She has the DESIRE. Learning is another way to find our talents. We can learn things and realize that we had a talent that was hidden. We continue to make those talents grow by using them and continuing to learn. Also, not being afraid to share our talents. I know I have some talents I love to share with everyone. Other talents I'm very shy about sharing. Another way to find our talents is to listen to friends and family. They see things in us that we ourselves don't see. We also should give encouragement to each other to grow our talents!

So what are your talents? Find them, grow them and share them!

Things Rarely Work Out How We Planned

So, I took some time off from work this week. It has been so great to not have to get up at 3:30, although I have been up around 5 both days. As life happens, plans go out the window. Whether those plans are major or minor, sometimes, they just don't happen or they change. Thursday I drove to a friend's house to have him check my car. I tell ya, everyone should have a friend that is a mechanic and loves to help people. I don't know what I would do without him helping me out. He took my car all apart trying to find what is wrong and came up with a diagnosis. He even made me get under the car to show me exactly what was wrong and how he figured it out. I can't get it fixed right now, but at least I know what I need to get done and can hopefully get that taken care of.

Friday, I made plans to go to the movies with a girlfriend of mine. I haven't had the chance to go to the movies in probably over a year. We were going to see "Something Borrowed". That is a movie we have talked about seeing since the previews first came out about a month ago. Yes, total chic flick! We checked the times, it said 10:15. She checked the times on Thursday and it said 11:00. I checked the times again on Thursday night and it said 10:15. Weird. So we met at 10:00 and found out it started at 11:00. Oh well, we did some window shopping instead while we waited. That is always fun! When we got to the movie, we sat down between a couple that were all over each other and two cute little old ladies that were wearing matching sandals, pants and sweaters. They were too cute! We watched the previews for upcoming movies and totally enjoyed those...figured out there are some good movies coming soon! The screen went black like it does when the movie gets ready to start, and....nothing. We waited, and waited, and waited some more. People started talking and laughing not sure what to do because we were all sitting in the dark. Finally my friend says, "Should someone go say something?" I said I would. I wonder how long we all would have sat there in the dark if I didn't go say something? lol Anyway, I went out and found an usher and told them what was going on. When I came back in, I announced to the 15 people in the theatre they said they would tell someone. We sat in the dark for a couple more minutes and then they turned the lights on. They gave us a 3 minute eta for getting it fixed. 10 minutes later it was going to be another 5-10 minutes. another 20 minutes goes by and they said they had to cancel the showing. We got two free passes out of it and really enjoyed the previews, but we were sent on our way. We were bummed we didn't get to see the movie we have been waiting so long to see.

We went to lunch at a little pizza place there at the Market place. It was awesome pizza! We sat outside and did some people watching while we ate. People watching is so entertaining. I watched a guy make eyes at a young woman who was having lunch with her mom and grandma. Pretty funny...I wouldn't have been surprised if he tripped over a chair staring at her as he walked by!

Maybe it was because it Friday the 13th or because my horoscope said my plans wouldn't work out like I wanted them to, but it was still fun. I love getting out with friends once in a while and doing things that I want to do. Grown up time is so important!

Work Love?

This morning I was driving to work and the radio station I listen to has a contest every morning about a stat that the dj found. The stat today was what bugs an employer the most about employees? One person guessed co-workers dating. That wasn't the top reason, but it was number 4 on the list. It got me thinking about it...is it okay to date where you work?

I work in a place that is prodominantly men. Women are catching up, but it is mostly men. It is a high stress job with odd hours, so sometimes, people like to date those that understand that kind of life. There is a lot of dating and mingling that goes on in this business. It doesn't matter where a person works, it is just the nature of the business. On the other hand, in any big business, you probably have a lot of dating coworkers and mingling going on.

I have a friend that says, absolutely not. No way should you date coworkers...you don't shit where you eat so to speak. There are others that say, absolutely, I only date those that I work with. We understand each other.

As with any dating, there have to be ground rules. You have to have a mutual respect. If it ends, you have to be able get past that hurt and still be able to do your job. Because you work together, you are going to know right away if the other person starts dating other people and you have to be able to get past that. You have to be able to deal with the talk. Let's face it, people talk and it's not always accurate.

You have to be able to separate your personal life from your professional life. I mean really, who wants to go home and talk shop for 4 hrs after you just spent 8 or 10 hrs at work. You have to say, okay, we each get 15 minutes (or whatever you decide) to talk about our work day and then we are done talking about work. By the same token, you can't bring your personal stuff to the office. Your coworkers don't want to hear you fight, be in the middle of a fight or hear about anything else that goes on unless it's the typical stuff they would talk about. I mean, your coworkers have to work with both of you...not a good idea to be sharing secrets about each other!

I definitely think it's possible to date where you work. I know a lot of people that are married and work together and it works well. You just have to know the rules and stick to them.

Why?

I took a call at work today from a woman who's brother committed suicide last week. She was calling to speak to one of my coworkers who had contact with him the day before. She and her family were trying to trace the final hours of his life to see if they could piece it together and find out what happened. Of course it got me thinking about those first few months after my husband died. I was constantly going over what had gone on the last year of his life and then playing the final hours over and over again like a really bad movie. I was just desperate to figure out what happened and what I could have done. I have ideas, I can guess, but I don't know for sure. Only he knows what was going on inside him. All I know is he was in pain and he wouldn't let me help.

Why? That is the question that anyone who has ever lost someone to suicide asks...why, why, why??? We ask in frustration, anger, sadness and desperation. Desperate to know the answer why someone would rather die than live. Even 6 1/2 years later I'm still asking the question...why? My husband didn't leave a note. I am left to only guess. However, what I do know is mental illness is real. People with mental illness don't make things up. Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia/paranoia, OCD...these are just a few examples of mental illness and they are all very real. Just as real as cancer, heart disease, diabetes or any other disease. People can't "snap" out of these diseases.

My goal is to make sure we are all aware of mental illness and for everyone to know there is help out there. I also really want survivors to know, they don't have to go it alone. There are people who have been down the road that are ready and willing to help. Together, we help each other. I am learning that talking about it makes it a little bit easier. If you know someone who needs to talk, let them. It is part of the healing process. I am grateful to those that have let me just blabber on and on when I needed to and I am grateful to those who have shared their stories with me. It helps me to listen as much as it helps you to talk.

Random Stuff

I've had writers block again. It's kind of strange to have a block...I usually don't have a problem finding things to talk about. I guess I need to find something to do so I can write about it!

Yesterday, I forced myself to put on a tennis shoe and went for a bike ride. My foot still has a knot on the top so shoes still hurt, but I wrapped it up and dealt with it. It was so great to get out and ride yesterday! It was a bit windy, but it was cooler than it has been so that made for a nice ride around the neighborhood with my music playing in my ears. I have lost around 25 lbs over the last several months. Hearing the complements and FINALLY noticing a bit of a change myself, makes me want to keep going! Now, if I could just stick with the diet and exercise, I would be doing so much better!! I have a serious weakness for carbs...I'm a carb addict! The problem I find is, I do really good for a while, then I give in and have 1 little piece of something, a cookie, a mini candy bar, whatever...and it's all over! I eat all kinds of crap for a few days then I have to force myself to get back on that wagon!

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I took two days off work...I actually had forgotten I took the days off. Imagine my surprise and excitement when I saw the schedule and realized I only had to work 3 days this week!! I love when I take some time off when my kids are in school. It gives me a little bit of time to rest or do things with my friends for a change. I've found that when I'm home alone, I don't turn on the tv and sometimes I don't even turn on any music. I just have silence in my house. My mom used to do that when I was a kid and I never understood that. How can she sit in total silence?! Now, as a working, single mom myself, I get it! I like the quiet which I don't get at work and I definitely don't get at home!

Has anyone else noticed that people are a bit crabby lately? I'm not immune for sure...I've had my share of crabbiness the last couple of weeks. My good friend has also been crabby. When we talk on the phone it is either a lot of silence or snapping at each other...needless to say, we haven't talked much the last few days! lol My kids, people on the road, people in the stores...just a bunch of crabs. Must be something in the air! It's time for me to get over being crabby!

I guess that's all for now. I'm sure I will think of something much more interesting to write about later!

Weddings

I love weddings! I know there are a lot of people that don't like them, but I do. I love the promise of two people making a life together in love. I have been to weddings where you look at the couple and you think, I don't think they will last very long. I have also been to weddings where the couple is perfect for each other and you can actually feel the love they have for each other.

I went to such wedding last night. My nephew got married. He was such a handsome groom and his bride was beautiful! You could actually feel the love between them, in spite of them being nervous. :) If they realize how much work it is and are willing to work through whatever comes their way, then they will make it.

Another thing I love about weddings is seeing how everyone looks dressed up in their best, all the flowers, the cake, seeing family and friends and just letting loose and having fun! Last night was a lot of fun to visit with family, dance our behinds off and wish the happy couple well. The wedding was at a vineyard. The grounds were just beautiful with a pond, grass, lots of flowers and animals. The bride rode up in a horse drawn carriage and had her son walk her down the aisle. She was stunning in her white strapless dress with a dark purple sash and red shoes. Her daughter was a little angel in white and purple and her bridesmaid wore a dark purple strapless dress with red shoes. The groom and his guys looked very nice in their black and dark purple western tuxedo outfits with black cowboy hats. After the wedding the reception was held in a barn that was decorated with white lights, white table clothes with purple table runners, candles and red rose petals on the table. It was simple and beautiful.

The music was awesome! There was a mix of country, rock and oldies and we all had a blast boogying down...especially the little kids! My daughter, my niece and my little nephews tore up that dance floor along with a bunch of other kids! My son was too busy running around and eating! lol I danced with my brother and my dad and let me say, my dad is an awesome dancer! :) My sister was the photographer and I can't wait to see her pictures! She is awesome with the camera and I am so happy she is getting her business off the ground.

I wish my nephew and his bride a long life of happiness and love!

Foot Troubles

So, remember me telling you about my one person Lucy and Ethel show at my yard sale almost two weeks ago? Well, I still can't wear a regular shoe on my right foot. Last week I forced my running shoe on and did a workout in the park running around on my foot. It hurt, but I really wanted to do it so I worked through it. My foot still isn't better. I still have a bruise and I have a knot on the top of my foot. I was getting worried since it has been almost two weeks. I finally broke down and went to urgent care. They took xrays and asked me some questions and the physician's assistant was concerned that I fractured my foot. She gave me a referal to a podiatrist and sent me on my way with xrays in hand.

Luckily, they were really nice and got me in right away. The Doctor took a look at the xrays and pushed on my foot (ouch!) and told me I didn't break it. He said I just have a really bad bruise and the knot is part of the hemotoma working it's way to getting better. Since there is no padding on my foot, the thing that fell on it hit nerves and veins and it is very painful and takes a while to heal.

It's good it wasn't broken. I wouldn't have been able to drive and that would have been bad. Now I can still do my exercising too. I will really be glad when it starts feeling better so I can get my shoes back on and start walking/running again!

Dreams

I have always been told that when you think about someone who has died, that means they are with you and when you dream about them, they are trying to contact you from the other side of the veil.

As I have mentioned before, for so long when I would have dreams about my late husband, they were nightmares. The last dream I had about him was calm, peaceful and happy. It stayed with me for days and I would smile everytime I would think about the dream. Last night I had another dream about him. It was another dream of us together as a family. I was so happy to be with him and he was happy to be with me. Our kids were there with us too. I think he was trying to tell me that we are still a family and he still loves us no matter how things were in the end. I always have to remind myself that the man that was struggling so hard in the end was not the same man that I married. I love having happy dreams about him. I must have been missing him a lot yesterday. I went to a party last night and I wore the first ring he ever gave me. It is yellow gold with a heart shaped sapphire. It is a beautiful ring and I don't wear it very often. I usually only wear it when I feel like I need him with me. It is one of the few things that I have that is tangible to help me feel closer to him.

The other day I was talking to my good friend and he said something along the lines of, "Do people really believe there is someone out there for them that is everything? They really fall in love and devote themselves to each other?" He is still doubtful. I got teary eyed and I said, "Yes! I had that once. I found that one person that I wanted to be with forever." My question was, can we find it more than once in our lives?

A few times now I have had a dream about a no faced man. He is tall and gentle, but very much a man. He makes me feel like I am the only person in this world that matters and I feel loved when I am with him. I have never seen his face in my dreams, but I feel his love and his strength. I am hoping that someday soon I will meet him and I will recognize him by the way I feel around him.

I guess I have been feeling lonely lately and that is why I have been thinking about both of these men in my dreams. I'm not even close to finding with another man what I had with my late husband. Someone to have my back, to support me no matter what, to hold my hand, to give me hugs and kisses, to let me give that love, affection and support back to him, to make me feel like I MATTER in their life. I know that I will not find a man like him. He was truly unique and I know that everyone has their own unique qualities. I want to find someone that I can love for their own uniqueness and that he will love me back for mine. I deserve to be loved and so does the man in my dreams.