Dreams

I have always been told that when you think about someone who has died, that means they are with you and when you dream about them, they are trying to contact you from the other side of the veil.

As I have mentioned before, for so long when I would have dreams about my late husband, they were nightmares. The last dream I had about him was calm, peaceful and happy. It stayed with me for days and I would smile everytime I would think about the dream. Last night I had another dream about him. It was another dream of us together as a family. I was so happy to be with him and he was happy to be with me. Our kids were there with us too. I think he was trying to tell me that we are still a family and he still loves us no matter how things were in the end. I always have to remind myself that the man that was struggling so hard in the end was not the same man that I married. I love having happy dreams about him. I must have been missing him a lot yesterday. I went to a party last night and I wore the first ring he ever gave me. It is yellow gold with a heart shaped sapphire. It is a beautiful ring and I don't wear it very often. I usually only wear it when I feel like I need him with me. It is one of the few things that I have that is tangible to help me feel closer to him.

The other day I was talking to my good friend and he said something along the lines of, "Do people really believe there is someone out there for them that is everything? They really fall in love and devote themselves to each other?" He is still doubtful. I got teary eyed and I said, "Yes! I had that once. I found that one person that I wanted to be with forever." My question was, can we find it more than once in our lives?

A few times now I have had a dream about a no faced man. He is tall and gentle, but very much a man. He makes me feel like I am the only person in this world that matters and I feel loved when I am with him. I have never seen his face in my dreams, but I feel his love and his strength. I am hoping that someday soon I will meet him and I will recognize him by the way I feel around him.

I guess I have been feeling lonely lately and that is why I have been thinking about both of these men in my dreams. I'm not even close to finding with another man what I had with my late husband. Someone to have my back, to support me no matter what, to hold my hand, to give me hugs and kisses, to let me give that love, affection and support back to him, to make me feel like I MATTER in their life. I know that I will not find a man like him. He was truly unique and I know that everyone has their own unique qualities. I want to find someone that I can love for their own uniqueness and that he will love me back for mine. I deserve to be loved and so does the man in my dreams.